May 8, 2009 @ 4:01 PM
The first half of my day went pretty well, then a storm suddenly hit me without prior notice.
He called, I was on my toes.
He was mad, I was on the edge.
His voice was loud, I was speechless.
He asked, I froze.
I was frantically tearing my insides apart to find the answer but I can't find the words you teach my heart to speak. My head was strong but my heart was weak. I was holding back the tears but I couldn't stop.
Putting on a brave front, trying hard to smile but my chapped lips felt so heavy. My stomach was churning and my heart was beating so fast and hard, I felt as if it wants to break free from me. I held on strong or at least I tried to be.
The ride home felt long, longer than it was suppose to be. With so much craziness surrounding me,I found it hard to breathe. I felt so alone and cold, metaphorically and literally. I lost myself in there, thinking.
For once I needed the heat, the warm, the Sun so badly. I needed it to make things real again and it did. That's when I realize that, I wasn't in any pain neither was I actually hurt. I was in the wrong. All that agony came from within me.
I nearly gave it all up. I thought I wasn't strong enough but then I realize, life would be much harder without you. You held on to this for so long. There are just times, when I looked into your eyes to find only grey. You're my air in life and I need you to live. However, at the same time, I felt that you deserve better, someone that will treat you right.
I'll give up my heart to you so you can live.
I'll let you rip my hearts out if it make the pain you feel go away.
I'll let you use me as a shield that will protect you from the harm.
I'll die for you.
I know its cliche but I'll do it if without any second guessing.
"God will never let you go through something that he knows you can't handle". - Fatin Hanani.
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