second chances
August 29, 2010 @ 6:49 PM
They say once bitten, twice shy. That metaphor is proving to be truer than ever. I shall not deny that I am somewhat scared and traumatized from the whole rendezvous but I take my hats off to you though, for being able to top the first time round.
I find myself going back to the place where it hurts the most and it is certainly not easy trying to pull everything back together, trying to mend the broken pieces. But I'm having a hard time doing so seemingly because everything around isn't helping that much. It is starting to irks me that this 'thing' is slowly becoming 'okay'. But somehow I can't help but wonder what drove people to do this. Is it the chase that entice a certain kind of thrill? Does it satisfy a yearn or a need? And what made them think that it is certainly okay? It rages me when I chance upon something like this. Not that I am being judgmental or stereotypical but this isn't something to be proud of. Doesn't their guilty conscience ever bugs them? Or did every nerve endings that once guide them right from wrong glitches at the mere thought of it? The fact that they know that it's wrong but decided to put everything on the line anyway.
There is no such thing as having the best of both worlds because someone is bound to get hurt and the scar that it creates will forever be etched. You either appreciate what you have now because it could be the best you will ever have or risk losing the one thing that really matters because your judgement tells you that a second chance will come around if it does not work out. Reality is, second chance doesn't come around often and when it does I bet you that it is worth while hence, it isn't a good idea to even think for a second that it is okay. And the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
xoxo ♥
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future comfort
August 26, 2010 @ 10:33 PM
We spent our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future,trying to predict the future as if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is always changing, the future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain, when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it. - Grey's Anatomy
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wishful thinking
1:53 PM
One of my girlfriends updated her status on Facebook and it got me inspired.
Remember the days when we were kids, we could not wait to grow up, be an adult, have that independence, that freedom because we observe the people in our lives having so much fun being adults. Now that we are adults ourselves, we find ourselves wishing that we were kids again. We miss the perks of being a kid again. When things were mostly so simple back then. When we'd get disappointed about trivial things but we'd get over it in no time. When it was so easy to mend a broken heart because we rarely get our hearts broken. When we were so reluctant to have our hearts in someone else's hands. When we would believe every answers they gave us to our questions, even if the answer is so simple. When everything out there looks the way it is because it is just the way it is. When the truth is what it is.
xoxo ♥
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grace
August 25, 2010 @ 10:33 PM
Have you ever had that one question that lingers in your head keeping you up at night? The question that has a mean cycle as an answer?
Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if my decision was a mistake. And each time that happens, I tend to upbraid myself for even going there. Nothing is certain, I know that. I know that in whatever decision I have made, time will eventually tell if it was a mistake or not. But there is nothing I could do to stop all the pondering.
Have you ever had someone who can make your heart flutter like no one else could? Someone who freezes you up when things go out of line but melts you instantly when things are going so well? Someone whose on your mind all the time? Someone who tends to drive you to your grave or have you up to your neck with their antics? Someone who you love and find yourselves giving them chances time and time again because you knew or so thought that they deserve it. Someone who is more than what meets the eye. Someone who everyone thinks does not deserve you but don't understand why you can't simply let go because only you knows who they really are and what they are really like, because only you see the one thing that no one else can see in that one person. That one person who broke your heart once before but eventually you find yourself handing your heart to his hands again once it's somewhat mended.
H, you mean the world to me. I don't need anyone to understand. I don't need anyone or everyone to see what I see in you because some things are better seen through my eyes. I know we get on each other's throat most of the time but when times are good, I find myself immerse in that situation hoping that it would go in slow motion. I just need you to know how much you mean to me and my heart is in your hands. The question may have kept me up all night and the answers might not satisfy me but you kept me holding on. Even when everything seem like a mistake.
xoxo ♥
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chaos
August 24, 2010 @ 11:37 PM
What we call chaos is just patterns we haven’t recognized. What we call random is just patterns we cant decipher. What we can’t understand we call nonsense. What we can’t read we call gibberish. There is no free will. There are no variables. There is only the inevitable. - Chuck Palahniuk
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passing leaves
August 22, 2010 @ 9:52 PM
In life we are going to meet a bunch of people and we are going to have different types of encounters with different types of people. And out of those many, only a handful will become our friends and out of those group of friends only a number will become our best friends while the rest will just either be acquaintances or someone we once knew.
After all, when we come across either a sticky or sweet situation we would always come back to the ones that would stick through it all with us, that will willingly listen to our stories and give us their honest opinions, those who knows how to finish our sentences and the things that goes on on our minds without having us to say much of anything. Those who knows the stories of our broken hearts and the hearts we've broken. Those who would not judge our decision, on the contrary the support us no matter what. Those who are not afraid to let us make our own mistakes.
xoxo ♥
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watch over me
August 19, 2010 @ 2:00 AM
It's 2 in the morning and I can't sleep. So here I am watching Grey's Anatomy back to back somehow trying to find the comfort. But here's the sad truth, I'm unsure. Have you ever had those days where you're just unsure of anything, everything? Every decision you made, every path you chose seems so cloudy and seems like a mistake. Ever had those days where you feel this odd kind of sadness but sadly you don't know the reason why?
I hate this feeling. I don't want this to be mistake because I work too hard on this. I hate feeling like I can't handle this. I hate going back to the same place I hate. I hate having my imaginations running wild. I hate having to doubt the decisions I made. I hate not having the control to forget the things I want to forget. I hate going back to the past and I hate the fact that I can't stop that.
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a personal abode
August 17, 2010 @ 9:12 PM
I think by now most of you have known that I am prone to being sick. That is something I'm not taking lightly and neither am I liking any moment of it. I dread being sick just like some of you who dreads height or the dark or all those other things that you fear. Lately my back has been acting up again. While I have always had scoliosis, it kind of stopped a few months back. Now, when it made its return, it does not seem to spare me of the agony. When it first came back, I thought it would be gone in a few days but little did I know that it would escalate to this especially after the fever. Oh the agony.
Mama decided to bring me to see a doctor a fews days after I recover from the fever because I kept complaining of the back ache. Doc said that it was probably caused by the fever and gave me more painkillers. Medicines, another thing that I dread. Not like it makes me feel any better, well, maybe it does for a little while. Makes me feel a little loopy too. Hehe. Anyway, he also said that if the pain remain consistent within a month or two, he would recommend me to see a spine specialist. Oh, c'mon.
So now, I have been diligently taking my medicines. Haha, like real. I would only take them if I'm in real pain. Cannot depend on medicine all the time, I might become a drug addict if I do. Plus mama told me that if I take too much of the medicines that I am having now, it could damage my liver. Why oh why must she tell me that. Now I wonder, if ever *touchwood* my liver does fail, would any kind soul donate theirs to me if theirs matches?
I guess for now, I just want my back to get better. I want to be free from all the sickness. Breathe without worry.
xoxo ♥
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Avid
August 16, 2010 @ 11:45 PM
I don't know why these few days hasn't been easy. I've been plagued by the haunting images of what I want to completely forget, of what I've been trying to completely erase from my memory. Each time I close my eyes, there you are mocking me. Those pixels that joins together giving me that disgusting smirk. They say time heals all wounds. I guess they forgot to mention that it is still going to hurt when it heals too. The scar, be it physically or mentally will always be there to serve as a reminder even if we do not wish to be reminded. I clearly do not want to be reminded of the remnants that broke my heart. I know this will always be a part of my love story but is it wrong of me to want to forget this? Is wrong of me for not wanting to have anything to do with this heart wrenching memory anymore? Because instead of healing, I find myself trying to find a stronger antidote to ease up the pain, which, does not seem to get any easier. Some things are easier said than done. I just want this to be gone forever.
xoxo ♥
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movie dates
August 15, 2010 @ 1:07 AM
After so long we decided to have a much needed time together. Not our usual proper date but it is still a date. Hehh. We decided to have a movie date since we can't go out for a feast; fasting month. I initially wanted to watch Salt and H baby wanted to watch The Last Airbender and Salt so he decided for us to catch both. And we did. We went to Shaw House because H wanted to watch TLA in 3D.
TLA was not too bad but a little disappointing for us both actually since we are both fans of the cartoon. I just wished that it could have been executed better. The most disappointing part was the 3D effects which in my opinion was only the Cadbury ad before the movie started, the subtitles and the credits. Next up was Salt. For some reason, I was excited to watch it and had high expectations for it. Oddly, it surpassed mine. I think it is safe to say that we both enjoyed the movie especially H mainly because Angelina Jolie is the main character.
We headed home after the movie but bought our food to break our fast first. Head off to his place and break fast together. After that H decided to gave me a surprise gift, a kinky one. Haha. Overall, even though our date did not involve a whole lot of eating this time round, I enjoyed it very very much baby. I love movie dates with you or simply dates with you. Thank you for the very nice day out and the gift.
Forever & Always ♥
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strength
August 11, 2010 @ 6:26 PM
Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you’re a good person and a good friend. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not-won’t. Love is worth fighting for but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.
xoxo ♥
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A short getaway
1:09 AM
Going back there seems a little nostalgic given that I practically grew up there. My grandmother decided to rent out a camp which can house up to 60 people instead of sleeping over at her house down the hill. Hence, the family set aside some time off their busy schedule to gather as one big family. H decided to join in too, which makes everything awesome when he is by my side.
Overall, it was a blast even though I was still fresh recovering from a fever. Stroll at the beach, fishing till the wee hours, campfire, barbeque, staying up late playing card games, eating almost every minute, birthday celebration and cakes flying everywhere, swimming in the clear sea waters, sand war, feeding cats and so much more. It's no surprise that everybody came back feeling really exhausted. It is safe to say that this is one of the best family time we had in years. However, all I have to keep this as a memory depends on my brain power because idiotically, I forgot to bring the camera. I guess I'll take some pictures from my cousins when they post it up at FB and I'll show it to you guys here. Till then.
xoxo ♥
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throat infection
August 6, 2010 @ 8:27 PM
Anyway, the only difference this time is that the fever is affecting my back real bad. I mean really really bad. It's like I need constant tight pressure on it all the time. I got home and asked mama to massage my back, it felt good for a while but the relief cream only work hours after it has been applied. Mama wants me to get it checked, go for an x-ray. I thought she was over-reacting but maybe it's not so bad of an idea. So I spent the rest of the day sleeping at home waking up occasionally to drink and pee or answers calls. I even had to swallow god knows how many different types of medication (blame mama) no matter how much I fear them and I think one of it is giving my face an itch. Anywhere but the face! However, it was a good thing that I did take all those meds, though it did not exactly ease the pain on my back but I think it help to subside my fever because I woke up drenched in my own perspiration and I feel a whole lot better. God knows how heat I was emitting.
xoxo ♥
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my hands
August 5, 2010 @ 1:13 AM
I can never stress enough how important trust is to any relationship. Trust is that bridge that links us together, that bridge that makes us easy to meet halfway. It is not easy to gain a person's trust in the first place so it's crucial for us to know where our boundaries are. Once broken, there is a high chance of not getting it back, ever. It doesn't matter how long you can know someone, the foundations of trust will stay as it is. It takes years to gain one's trust and only seconds to break it. Funny how these things works.
While things may have taken a smoother road, I can't help but to admit that, that trust I once had of you is barely there. It's not easy building that bridge that you burnt again from scratch, it's not easy questioning your every move or anything you say because for a moment when that bridge fell, everything else fell too. And because everything else too will sound and seem like a lie. I'm glad that we are moving on and that we are slowly creating new memories and building new boundaries but a part of me wanted things the way it was before. When things was a little simpler to grasp and believe.
xoxo ♥
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sixty-six
August 3, 2010 @ 12:20 AM
We may laugh, we may joke around, we may even bicker but never have I thought that we would have come this far. Whatever happens behind the curtains will remain behind. Whatever cracks we may have caused or open over and over again, stay behind our own hearts. People can say what they want. They can judge us and say what is right and what is wrong. They can say whatever they want but they don't have the one thing that I have. They don't know what it's like to be in our shoes. They don't see what I see in you. I will stand by my decision. Whether I am right or wrong, I'm the one who holds the key. Whatever happens, we'll get through it, just like I said.
Forever & Always ♥
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mirror image
August 2, 2010 @ 11:30 PM
I do not expect anyone to understand my situation even though I know they are sorry and neither do I expect anyone to understand the decision I made. I decided to follow what my heart tells me and even if it is a mistake, it will the mistake that I, hopefully will never regret. Because if there is one thing I learnt, in life it's better to make a million mistakes because that is the only way for us to be sure and learn form our lessons. I know some people might find me foolish but what do they know unless its just on the surface. As for now, I'm taking it slowly. Time will tell if i made the right decision.
xoxo ♥
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August 1, 2010 @ 3:18 AM
“No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that’s the key. It’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.”
-This Lullaby By Sarah Dessen
xoxo
xoxo
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