Getting nowhere
March 24, 2013 @ 8:32 PM
They say the older you get, you will know what you want and that it would be easier to achieve all your dreams. However, they forget that we leave in a substantial cut throat pretty paper country. We all have dreams but its the path we take that determines how we chase that dream.
I have so many people asking me what are my plans after poly graduation. Am I going to work or am I going to continue studying? My answer has always been the same regardless. I have made my decision for a while now that I am not going to pursue any further full time studies at uni. I decided to work and gain some experience. It is starting to bother me, the way people look at me with doubt when I say I have no concrete intention of pursuing my studies after a diploma. Granted to make it in this country, you have to stand out but has it really come down to the fact that we are all competing on whose portfolio looks better?
I used to want to be so many things. To have my own business to be precise. However, I am at an age where reality weighs heavier than what it seems to be. I still believe that we need a balance of being book smart and street smart to succeed. That is probably my main reason why I am in no hurry to further my studies after my diploma. I mean education is infinite and just because I am planning to put it on hold after graduation does not mean I am resulting myself to be a failure.
I have never seen a reason why I need to justify my decisions but right now I kinda feel like I am obligated to. I keep telling myself that this is all just a reminder to myself but a part of me can't help but feel as if I need to justify myself to everyone else. Plus, I hate the fact that I am letting peoples' judgemental effect affects me on my decision.
I am at age where I feel like I am lacking behind from everyone else. How people I know is moving on and achieving things in life while I am still here feeling stagnant. I have plans in my life, I have set places on my life timeline that I want to achieve. And honestly, I am exhausted of studying. I have been studying non stop from secondary school to ITE and now to Poly so it is a crime for me to take a break from it all and having the need to experience how the real world is.
All of these is making feel like I am such a failure and getting nowhere. As it I have not achieved anything much a part from designing a pretty portfolio.
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Stuck in the middle
March 9, 2013 @ 10:27 PM
You're fighting till you're free,get down on your kneesHoping someday you'll make it outIf you just believe /Someday things will be perfect,it will be worth it all this time
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Bad place
7:08 PM
I've been to this bad place so many times now. It comes and go but it doesn't get any easier. I don't expect anyone to understand what it really is or for anyone to even try to understand because, well, no one can. I don't know how to explain it either. It's more than just emotions. Bad things go through my mind and I tend to let them. I swallow everything in and settle it down, I guess somewhere in my mind.
I'm not me when this happens. I shut everyone and everything out. I rather be alone because it makes me feel safe. I feel every inch of pain. I let painful memories come back and I would just wallow in this dark place without any need to come out.
I don't know how long it will last this time. I don't know what triggers this and I don't know how to stop it either. I just let it consume me.
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