I am a very petty person and I am not afraid to admit that. I am very particular about a lot of things and privacy is one of the things. Recently, I have just moved to my aunt's place, because my parents decided to make a not so clever decision. Anyway, I won't talk about that and back to my point. With moving comes packing and then unpacking, knowing me and the type of person I am, I have a lot of things that I would like to keep and like to hopefully keep it private. But because of the move and the fact that I have to stay at  my aunt's place until god knows when, I need to find a space for my stuff. The thing is my aunt has five children and three of which are still very young. With that, it is no surprise that their curiosity will lead from one thing to another. The point is, it is impossible to keep my private things private without having the kids meddling with my stuffs. Not only that, it is merely impossible to have a private moment on my own without having anyone invading. For god's sake, I can;t even find a room to talk on the phone with H. It gets a tad frustrating because I'm so used to having my own space where I can just throw my things anywhere and not have anyone picking it up next, fiddling with it and ending up ruining it or talk to H or anyone at all on the phone without feeling inferior or whatnot or just have a quiet space to think and write. I have not been updating my diary much these days because of the obvious. Oh well, I guess I have to start getting used to this things. But then again, I don't want to. 

xoxo ♥

Too much is going on in my head and it seems like I don't even know who I am anymore. Who I am today seems so fake. I have put a front for so long, I think it has became a mask of my own. I have even lost track of when I am being genuine and when I'm just putting up a front. I hate who I have become. I want to be how I used to be. I want to feel light again. I'm trying my best to hold back my tears as I am typing this. I know I should not but it saddens me whenever I think about the past and how it used to be. It was so much simpler then, everything was easily falling into place and even if it get out of line, I can easily find my way back. But now, if things go out of line, I hardly bother to even try bringing it in. Again, sounding like a broken record, I'm tired of being disappointed. I'm tired of expecting on things that eventually brings me down. I'm tired of hoping on things that might never happen. I'm tired of dealing with the what if(s) and what might have been(s).

Honestly, I'm really really tired. I cry myself to sleep most of the time. I may not look like it because I thought it would be easier to just be happy or at least try to. It would be easier wouldn't it? When I don't have to keep explaining to anyone or even myself. I'm not asking for much,really. Then again it would I would not even know where to begin. If only you could read my mind and the things that goes around in my head, you'd be sorry.

xoxo ♥

xoxo ♥

This morning, every hour, I keep receiving text messages telling/updating me about the exam results. While I on the other hand, just wanted to go back to sleep and delay the time for me to wake and take a look at my results. Unfortunately, I could not got back to sleep. So the moment I woke up, I grabbed the laptop and hurried to get access to the school website. While doing so, my heart was racing so fast it felt like it was going to jump out of my living body.

So the moment I got accessed to the website, I got more and more frantic because it was so bloody complicated to view my grades. And when I laid my eyes, the results, I literally have to take another deep breathe. I cannot believe what I was seeing, in a good way. It was really satisfying and it was way way better than what I was expecting. With results like that, it made it clear to me what my next step is. However, it saddens me with what mama said to me. I needed a little more support than that. What she said made me cry, just because it seems like she does not even supports me. But I'm thankful enough to have H telling me that I did good and that he would help me in any way he could.

Therefore, I am going to apply for poly. I will see what my chances are. And I would like to congratulate my girls for doing so well and the class for the excellent grades all together. We are truly the best class, in my eyes that is.

xoxo ♥

All my birthday celebrations are a little predictable, I guess this year I want things to be different. For the past few years, I've somewhat spent my birthdays in the same sequence. My family would probably get me a cake and we would celebrate it when midnight strikes. My friends would probably arrange some surprise in school. I might meet up with the gang, depending on their availability and I would spent most of it with H. I mean, I look forward to every surprise they have up their sleeves for me. Its what makes it really enjoyable. But I somehow want something different this year. I still want my time with H just him and I, and I want to spend it with most of my friends. Sigh, I don't know. I don't know what I want.

I guess the need to be in control all the time is really not doing me much good. I'm not exactly one who favors surprises. Truth is I fear them because one I have no control over them but this year, I am hoping for a whole lot of surprises. Its not that much to ask for right?

xoxo ♥

We had a sort of impromptu idea to have a girls day out after so long. I think the last time we had that was two months ago. Hence, we decided we should meet and have manicures and pedicures. It was really fun as always. Laughing over jokes that might not even come out funny or even laughing at each other. They are the best I will ever have. It is always a pleasure enjoying each other's company. Anyway, after the mani-pedi, we went for dinner at Wendy's. It was my first time at Wendy's and honestly, the food there was good. Very nice. We headed home after that. It was short but it was indeed fun.

Next meet up, I want to make sure that the whole gang of six is there. Don't even let me get started on how long has it been since the six of us hung out together.

xoxo ♥

H and I fight a lot, and I mean a lot. We could even fight over the smallest thing, like, a watch or a mumble. And we fight hardcore, I do not mean that he is abusive la. We would each keep quiet and be in our own spaces until one of us cools down. We don't usually kiss and make up like others do. Once we've each cooled down, we'll just talk like nothing ever happens. That is if we are arguing over trivial things. It's a different story if we are breaking each others hearts. That could lead to days or weeks of alone time.

Sometimes I wonder how we even managed to make this work all these years. Especially with us both being really sarcastic most of the time. I guess to get where H and I are right now, you need buckets of patience, a notebook, sense of humor and a whole lot of love.

It has been some journey H and even though sometimes I feel like choking you, I know you're trying hard.

Forever & Always ♥