one more time
October 11, 2010 @ 11:24 PM
I know I'm going to sound like a broken record or probably not. Who cares. Like I said, lately I've been going back and forth to a place I hate to go, a space in a little corner of my head. I hate going there but it seems like I have no control over it anymore because believe me, I used to once before. I guess all that has happened has made a huge impact on my life.
Too much is going on in my head and it seems like I don't even know who I am anymore. Who I am today seems so fake. I have put a front for so long, I think it has became a mask of my own. I have even lost track of when I am being genuine and when I'm just putting up a front. I hate who I have become. I want to be how I used to be. I want to feel light again. I'm trying my best to hold back my tears as I am typing this. I know I should not but it saddens me whenever I think about the past and how it used to be. It was so much simpler then, everything was easily falling into place and even if it get out of line, I can easily find my way back. But now, if things go out of line, I hardly bother to even try bringing it in. Again, sounding like a broken record, I'm tired of being disappointed. I'm tired of expecting on things that eventually brings me down. I'm tired of hoping on things that might never happen. I'm tired of dealing with the what if(s) and what might have been(s).
Honestly, I'm really really tired. I cry myself to sleep most of the time. I may not look like it because I thought it would be easier to just be happy or at least try to. It would be easier wouldn't it? When I don't have to keep explaining to anyone or even myself. I'm not asking for much,really. Then again it would I would not even know where to begin. If only you could read my mind and the things that goes around in my head, you'd be sorry.
xoxo ♥
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