Hide and Seek
April 25, 2011 @ 11:10 PM
I am a person who doesn't handle critics well. I am very sensitive. I have the tendency to interpret what people say about me in a negative way, whether they mean it or not. Sometimes whether they pass it off as a joke or not, I have the tendency to take it to heart. For example, if a person tells me that I look funny, I would instantly feel self-conscious. I have always been self-conscious to the extend that I analyze every move I make. I think about how my legs are placed, how I eat and such. I make it seem that no one has a space or a need to say something about me.
This is not healthy but I have always been like this. The way I was grew up plays a huge part of why I am like this. It affects me harder when its family or the people I love that has a thing to say about me. A part of me feels like it made me a better person, the fact that it made me work hard to prove everyone wrong, to prove me wrong.
0 comments: leave a comment
Ten Facts
April 17, 2011 @ 12:16 AM
This is totally random but let's just do this for fun yes? Entertain me. I am going to be listing down ten facts(in random order) about me and briefly explain them. This should be interesting, let's start.
1. I find the dentists, offices and banks very scary. Its always quite all the time and routine-d, I always do not know what to do whenever I'm there and neither do I want to embarrass myself so I try to avoid it as much as I can.
2. I fear medicines referring to the tablet ones because I always imagined that I could choke on them and that they would be the cause of my death when they should help make me better instead.
3. I am not a people person. I hate crowds, I fear being in a room full of people and getting up in front of everyone to talk. Its weird because I am a very friendly person but I do not like approaching people, I prefer people to approach me.
4. I like the colour blue and I have an obsession with mascaras. I have tubes and tubes of it. Never leave the house without it, unless I'm having my specs on, outside.
5. I have am a diary hoarder. I have quite a number of diaries which contains my feeling, song lyrics, doodling and my thoughts that I still keep. Even now when I have a blog, I have a diary that still has so many pages eft unwritten.
6. I have a specific routine while I bath and I need to follow the same step every single time if not I would feel wrong. And I like to make sure I leave the toilet and myself scented.
7. I never leave the house without my wallet and my phone. Even if I have no money in my wallet haha.
8. I never liked mixed veggies even though I eat carrots, peas and corn. I prefer eating carrots just as it is, corn still as a whole after bbq or in popcorn form haha and I only eat peas that are like nuts, you know the ones from the vending machine in the packaging.
9. I need to sing sad songs when I shit. Makes the poo comes out easier even though my voice is like a crying hyaena's. Because I feel like poo-ing is a sad moment and that being sad makes my stomach churn.
10. I do not like getting my thumb print taken, be it at the bank or at the immigration area or anywhere that requires thumb prints because it would usually comes out as an error and I have to do it multiple times. It gets on my nerves and I conclude that my thumb is too small to e read by machines generators and what not.
That's all folks. Now you know a little bit about me even if you don't want to.
0 comments: leave a comment
A Little Faith Goes A Long Way
April 16, 2011 @ 10:45 PM
Last week has been overwhelming I shall say. Everything caught me a little off my guard. In case you have not known yet, I have been given a spot in Singapore Polytechnic to a course in Diploma in Business Information Technology. It is not my chosen course or even what I wanted but I am grateful enough to be given an opportunity like this.
At first, when I was offered this course, I was very reluctant to accept it. Given that it is IT and it is not really my cup of tea. So I sought advices and opinions from family and friends, they all told me to give it a shot. At the very least, I would still have a spot in poly and since no other poly has gotten back to me, I thought that it was the best bet I got. Plus, I started to wire my thoughts and told myself that this may not be the one that I asked for, but this is an opportunity for me to expand my horizons, to visit fields that I never thought of stepping on. Who knows maybe this is a path that will lead me to bigger things. And I have a feeling that I am going to settle quite well in DBIT, just give me some time.
Hence, I spent the past week enrolling myself into SP. It was a very taxing process and very frustrating too. Let's put it this way, school is starting on Monday and I have yet to get my timetable, my class and most importantly what time do I have to report to school on the first day, neither have I ordered my laptop. Because to do all of it, I need to go through the student portal but to have access to the student portal, I need a user id and a password. The school was suppose to mail it to me but I have yet to get it. So tell me how now brown cow? Not to mention that I did not go through the orientation. I feel so unprepared. I do not know what to expect, what to do. I feel like time is going to fast and everything else is going to slow.
Then I realize, I am complaining quite a lot rather that showing my gratitude towards getting a spot in poly. Alhamdulillah. I mean remember how affected I would get when I see people saying that they are lazy for the orientation and lazy to attend poly? I realize that I am starting to behave like that and I am going to stop that. I am very grateful that I got a spot in poly, in SP at that.
So this part right here is for those who was my pillar of strength, to those who was there when I found out that I didn't make it but still believed that somehow I would make it. They believed so much in me that sometimes it scares me but most of the time it just helps me to keep holding on and never give up. They are the reason I managed to come out from this with a whole new perspective. So thank you. I share this joy with all of you and I cannot thank you enough from the bottom of my heart. :')
0 comments: leave a comment
The Lonely
April 6, 2011 @ 6:17 PM
I have been holding off to put this up for quite some time already. But I keep procrastinating thus, the lack of updates. Sometimes I feel like I don't need this blog anymore. It's like I lost all joy of blogging, then again, most of the time I am just too lazy to keep this space updated.
The most recent update is probably regarding the final semester results and the outcome of the poly application. My final semester results were not that bad, some might find it very good but I expected more from myself and that is why I am so disappointed with it. I got my results for the poly application the day after final semester results were out. It would be better if only the results were good. No, I did not manage to secure myself a spot in poly. I'm not going to deny it, I was extremely devastated. It felt like my whole world fell apart. I had everything planned out, I was ready for it. But when it hit me that its not going to happen just yet, I broke down hard. I could not believe that I have to wait some more, I have to work harder to get to after doing the best that I could ever do for the past two years. I felt angry too.
But I'm lucky, to have extremely good support from family and friends. Its time like this that you start to realize who is really worth the keep. I couldn't thank them enough for being my backbone for the past few days, for giving all those wise words and trying their best to be there for me in their own way. Their believe in me that I would eventually succeed overwhelms me and it kinda scares me. I already felt like I disappointed everyone else who thought and believed that I would make it. I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone else if I didn't make it one more time.
Today I still have people who asked me how my results were, but it doesn't bother me anymore like how it did. What bothers me are the questions; 'So what's you next plan? You're not going to work?' 'Why won't you find a job?' Its not that I don't want to be asked that or that I mind. Its the fact that they do not understand my reasons. Its the fact that they make it sound like its a bad thing that I do not have any plan or intend to find a job and the way they assume that getting a job settles it all. I do not have a next plan, yes it might be a stupid thing not to have a back up plan but don't tell me all of you have back up plans in your pockets. I submitted my appeal letters so now I am just waiting for a response. No plan whatsoever. No, I do not plan to work. I do not plan to find a job. Why? Because I just don't want to. I do not want to settle for less when I know I could do better, even if it is going to make me walk a longer route to get to where I want to be.
0 comments: leave a comment