lauren conrad
August 31, 2009 @ 2:06 PM
I want her eyes.
Look what came in the mail today? Kidding, not the mail. Credits to Stacie Kwan for helping me get this book. :) You deserve a million hugs. OMG, I'm so excited about it. God knows how long I've been wanting to have it. I've been counting the days for it to be sold here in Sg ever since its been launched in the US. Isn't it preeeeeeeety? teehee.
Anyway, school was a practically a waste of time and the only reason I attended was because Ain wants us to be there for Mr Tan. Performances was, blagh except for one of two. Headed straight home after that because Baby was at the polyclinic and I swear I did not understand a word he said when I called asking if he wants me to head down and accompany him. Its was like gibberish. So, with that I just headed home and get some shut eye.
Sometimes, I don't understand you at all, no matter how hard I tried.
You make my mind go crazy in all sort of ways.
You make my mind go crazy in all sort of ways.
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apparently unaffected
August 30, 2009 @ 7:10 PM
Comfortable as I am, I need your reassurance and as comfortable as you are, you count the days. But if I wanted silence, I would whisper. If I wanted loneliness, I choose to go and if I like rejection, I'd audition and if I didn't love you, you would know. So why can't you just hold me? And how come it is so hard? And do you like to see me broken? And why do I still care? You say you see the light now at the end of this narrow hall. I wish it didn't matter, I wish i didn't give you all. Poor little misunderstood baby, no one likes a sad face. But I can't remember life without him. I think I did have good days.
Labels: disguising the obvious.
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infamy
August 28, 2009 @ 9:22 PM
Everybody wishes to turn back time, undo their mistakes, make everything all right again. Put everything in perspective, of their own. But we jolly well know that there is no such remote on life where we can just hit rewind or the pause button at our favorite parts. No matter how much we wanted it to. So let's just move on with life.
Sorry to rain on your parade my dear readers.
Next in line. They say hope is a prayer, but is it really? Because I'm tired of hoping when all I've got in return are the giant slapsticks of disappointment. I'm at the verge of giving up, giving up on all of my hopes I had because apparently it seems like nothing is worth the point anyway. The cage is getting too crowded. It's getting harder and harder to breathe but yet I'm still standing tall (*coughs), letting or yet trying to let things fall into place.
Give time some time, they say. I say time has had enough time. Its time for answers.
Labels: a bid farewell.
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hungover
August 27, 2009 @ 8:03 PM
Today was cold, literally. Air-conditioning in every class. Had photography meeting today which was redundant for me because honestly, I've lost all hope in that club. If I get kicked out, it wouldn't bother me at all. Things are getting so insane lately and life is so hectic, photography is the last thing on my mind.
I'm angry but at the same time I feel like crying. So much is going on and it made school look like a breeze. I go to school, drag is a more likely word. I paint a smile and I laugh for the sake of a brighter day. But the insanity doesn't fade away that easily.
People tell me I'm just too paranoid. Maybe they are right. But I know why I'm so jittery, I know why I have sleepless nights. Just that I'm too guarded to tell, so don't ask.
Ma dropped a bombshell on us during dinner and that made me came to a decision that will certainly affect my life from now on. It may seem like a mistake since I'm still just 18, technically but whatever the consequences are, I'll find ways to deal with it. I can't always depend on Baby, he has had enough on his plate already.
To you: I know you've been busy and work tires you out, so I understand for the recent pause of our late night convo(s). I love you.
Labels: so sing along for me now.
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never again
August 26, 2009 @ 10:14 PM
School was such a bore today. I can't participate in SW because of my toe (don't ask) so the only reason I came to school was for OFA's assessment which was such a motherchucking killer by the way. All I can hope for is for a miracle but then again,
-pretending takes much less effort than hoping.
Not to mention tomorrow, I'm feeling so lethargic for school. Holidays please come quick, I need you and I need money!
You can easily make my heart skip a beat be it in joy or anxiety. You're like a another type of bi polar disorder. I can fell so uncertain, I can't sit still. But when you reassure me, you did it real good. I miss you so much this days. Its so hard to hear from you this days let alone see you. Maybe my holidays will make easier for us. I try to understand but its not possible if its all the time. Still, I love you baby. :* .
Labels: summer hair
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pretenders
August 25, 2009 @ 8:46 PM
Painted you.
With all the things in the world, all I ever wanted are just the simplest things. When I tell you I love you, all I ever wanted to hear from your mouth are the words I love you too. When I tell you I missed you it doesn't hurt to for you to say I miss you more. Then again...
With all the things in the world, all I ever wanted are just the simplest things. When I tell you I love you, all I ever wanted to hear from your mouth are the words I love you too. When I tell you I missed you it doesn't hurt to for you to say I miss you more. Then again...
Labels: i love you.
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joystick
August 23, 2009 @ 9:21 PM
Damn it, you just crossed the line, the line I drew so faintly because I see no purpose of you in my life. The line that was meant especially for you. You just have to cross it. Why? So that you can prove your so-called self, the real you? Let me tell you something, I don't need you to prove anything to me because you are nothing in my life. Seriously, we were never friends to begin with.
Why do you care so much what I think about you and then trying to act all tough saying that my ignorance towards you is childish. Why do you care who I bitch about or why I want to act like a bitch in the first place when I don't even care about you at all. I don't care how you want to lead your life, I don't care how you want to carry yourself, I don't care about your way of thinking and I certainly don't care who the real you is or are. So why do you need to be bothered by me?
Oh, c'mon. If you think the secondary school days were filled with drama, then you certainly don't know what's in store for you out there. I just went through the same drama weeks ago and I do not wish to go through it again, esp not with you. Claiming that talking shit behind people's back is not your thing when you're doing it in the first place. I'm still amused that you uses your secondary school days as a joke when so many of us has move on with life.
Here's an eye opener, move on and STOP dwelling on the past. People had moved on, you should too.
Just to be clear, ISB-ians, this has nothing to do with you.
Labels: drama schama .
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August 22, 2009 @ 11:57 AM
I just finished reading the awesomely written book Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult and I'm currently addicted to Kelly Clarkson's ; Already Gone. Somehow it felt that those two were inter-connected. Then again it may just be my imagination. Change of Heart is a must read. One of my favs by Jodi Picoult. Not your average predictable book.
Yesterday was so exhausting. I had to go down all the way to the east side for an interview which took like what, 30 minutes of my time? When I've spent like an hour getting there, with so much agony. Ah, what heck. Still the interview when fairly well, nothing nerve wrecking.
I have to thank Dee though, for taking time to accompany me and entertain me in my most random times and to Baby as well for taking time to come all the way down to pick me up.
"you're gonna wished you had me."
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a mean cycle
August 20, 2009 @ 9:39 PM
We can't deny the fact that everything is changing. My girlfriend plus Achap has all been busy with their own life, including myself. I miss them an awful lot but just saying 'IMYs' won't make things better. Efforts make it worth the while, and we all know how inevitable it is to drift apart, just that we get so caught up in our so called new life that we just rather talk about it than do something about it.
You keep changing, I don't want to not know you anymore.
I used to have a best friend whom I found so unexpectedly. Then I lost her, till now I can never find one that can ever be on the same par as she is as a best friend. Seeing her now with someone new whom she called best friend, surprisingly feels awkward. The funny thing is, it been nearly a decade when I lost 'her' and yet I can still feel the lost.
I don't own a best friend now, I try not to. Even though some times I wish I did. I don't want to lose another if I do. It hurts too much, the lost i mean. Plus I think nowadays, the word best friend is over-used.
Labels: let's just move on.
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paranoia
August 19, 2009 @ 8:17 PM
I think my paranoia is hitting in, again. This can get real bad. It will lead to sleepless nights, lots of thinking, brain gets too tired but somehow the body won't.
This couldn't have come at a better time. My exams are coming and I'll need the focus, the energy and the rest I can get. Right now, my heart is beating so fast and my stomach is churning so hard. Here it goes again. My breathing is getting heavier now. This is not good,not good at all.
I have a feeling something bad is gonna happen here, something unexpected, its always this way. Dear God, can you show me in some other way, I don't like it this way.
I just cried in front of Baby for no apparent reason just now, this means it has sank in. I may be an emotional wreck tmr, so girls if anything odd happens, just don't mind me. This is like a transition just that it gets harder every time. May be its the stress. Or not.
Paranoia = Sleepless nights = Terrible wreck/ Insomnia
Labels: you should have just walk away.
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you treat me just like
August 18, 2009 @ 8:12 PM
Today was rough. Today was like the day everything will just piss me off but I managed to curb that ugly side of mine so that my day wouldn't be so shitty than it already is. Started by waking up late, I was left with only half an hour to get ready for school if not I'll be insanely late. I was not going to throw away my perfect attendance just like that. Eee, I sound like a geek!
Had one hour of class before heading off to lunch then off to Orchard for the marketing survey/project. Floody buck, I swore my feet could drop off from its joints just like that and the hot weather isn't being nice either. And the people are so %&(^$^%#.
Scratch that! School has been really tiring of late. Everything is piling up like a hill. I need a good long massage man! My shoulders and back are killing me.
Labels: both before and after the drugs
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photographic memory
August 16, 2009 @ 7:45 PM
Today was spent attending a wedding function. Another of my dear boyfriend's secondary schoolmate got hitched. I'm not judging here to clear but it seems everyone is getting married early now. While for me, I'll wait till its right.
Somehow time today seem to fly by quite fast today. Nonetheless, I had an awesome weekend even though its a bit tiring. I enjoyed the rain by relaxing on the couch with a book in hand and a cup of hot milo on the side. Next up is to go for a massage.
I need that good long massage once the hols start, untie all those knots accumulated during the school term and my darling babyboyfriend promised me we'd hit the beach once school is done, for the hols I mean.
I'm suppose to be mugging for tmr's mock test but I'm currently blogging. Things in school need to slow down a bit, and I'm not referring for time to slow down. In less than a few weeks there will be class assessments and final exams hitting the road so dont be surprised if I'm on hiatus here.
Oh well, gonna web surf now before I start mugging for tmr's mock test.
Adious.
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fireflies
August 15, 2009 @ 2:18 PM
Stace texted me in the morning, she said L.A Candy is in store! yeah. I am so getting it. Currently am reading Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult.
Its been a hectic week, datelines after datelines and thankfully the mother of all projects is done and I think I did fairly well,agree? Up next is tests. The coming week will start with OFA mock test and BZE class test on Monday itself. Then few weeks later will be the assessment itself. I don't have to worry about OFA that much because its graded by topics same goes for CMB and LPD. Its the Type A module, with that I am referring to Accounting and B. Environment that I'm dreading.
Am so looking forward to the next holiday in which will come in another 3 weeks or so. Jeez. I guess I'll be mugging on my weekends. I miss my geng though. Wahh, I need a break, I want a holiday.
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galore
August 10, 2009 @ 9:19 PM
I had a busy and yet very awesome weekend. Started my weekend as usual with Baby, Accompany him to settle his old bike stuff, then to accompany his cousin to their bike shop. blah blah. Baby sent me to granny's before he heads to a wedding.
I had a ball of time at granny's. On the first night which is the Saturday, had the first S T E A M B O AT/B B Q with everyone who was there. I ate and ate and ate. Awesomeeee I tell you! But I keep needing to pee at night but luckily the toilet was near. Woke next morning, got cleaned up and waste my youth away with that munchkin and uncle's cat, Tiger.
In the afternoon, had another S T E A M B O A T/B B Q. More foooood. this is why Baby says I'm fat, I can't resist good food. In the evening, Baby pick me up and we head off to catch the fireworks. Then we met up with his family for dinner at S.Bedok, initial plan after dinner was to join Kak Desi, Razak, Show, Kak Sha and Abg Andi to karaoke but plans schmans, we decided to meet them after their karaoke session and join them for supper but I somehow ended up at Changi, so I ended up meeting Kak Desi at home, granny's that is.
On the way back home, a long way back, I was so freaking sleepy, it was 2.30 in the morning. So I decided to text Kak Desi, while on the moving bike. Reached home at nearly 3 am, Baby chilled for a while, Kak Desi and Rio was watching the telly. After shower, we waited for our McD's to arrive.
Bloody hungry you know at night. Then, perangai gemuk, after eat, go sleep. HA HA.
Monday morning, woke up, disturb everyone else esp granny, wait for breakfast to be ready, and we watched the Hangover. Surprisingly, it was not as hilarious as everyone said it would be. Just too vulgar. After that, bathed, got ready and headed home. Before that, we had lunch at Jalepeno Express first before Kak Desi and I window shopped.
I was so muddle-headed today, I thought I lost my ezlink, so granny ransacked my bag only to find out that it's laying on the coffee table at MY place. Then I reached home, only to find out that I left Baby's hair wax over at granny's. Plus I had to extract all the brain juices that's left generated from only 4/5 hours of sleep to finish up my bloody assignments.
Now I'm bloody exhausted, I want to rest. Bye!
Extracted from the Hangover;
- you are literally too stupid to be insulted.
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hopping bunnies
August 8, 2009 @ 11:25 AM
I met Atiq, Indri and Nura yesterday to discuss the prospects of re-opening Sonix. Needless to say I had a tonne of laughter. Every productive idea will be accompanied by sidetracking. Right Atiq? From training space to nenek keropok to hantu tetek, abang telinge and kakak jonggang? (if that is spelled correctly) Mind me, my malay is getting horrendous. Okay, so we settled with a few things, for now about Sonix.
Sidetracking:
Those interested please inform me in however you want to.
So that we can inform you about the final details once its finalised okay babies?
Moving on, might be meeting my babylove today, idk. I miss him so effing much. Last I saw him was last Sunday. *spiderwebs*. But let him get a good rest first. Then we go date and eat hotdogs k baby? teehee.
Hectic weekend/public holidays! Not to mention the endless datelines. GARHHH! So much to do, so little time. But don't worry, I'll survive.
Sidetracking:
Those interested please inform me in however you want to.
So that we can inform you about the final details once its finalised okay babies?
Moving on, might be meeting my babylove today, idk. I miss him so effing much. Last I saw him was last Sunday. *spiderwebs*. But let him get a good rest first. Then we go date and eat hotdogs k baby? teehee.
Hectic weekend/public holidays! Not to mention the endless datelines. GARHHH! So much to do, so little time. But don't worry, I'll survive.
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goddamnit.
11:01 AM
I've had enough. Seriously. This will be the final time, because it has drained my energy which I feel should be wasted on something much more important that this piece of crap. First of all, I don't need to be told "stop it" because I started nothing. Do not blame me for making this shit worst blame your best-est friend who can't seem to keep shut and cause all this drama, I'm just playing along with it. That is what you want right?
I'm done now.
Honestly, school now is like a shithole. Its so frustrating to make do with the irritating environment but at least I have the girls there and so much more than to just waste away school just because of some so-called-drama. And honestly, the class was never untied before, what makes you think it would be now. And losing you, as whatever you claim we were, will never affect me. And oh, it doesn't concern you on how I want to entertain this. I can blog about it, I can publish in the paper or I can use the loudhailer.
Labels: *pardon me for the angry posts lately.
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painkillers
August 6, 2009 @ 8:09 PM
Regarding my previous post, to whoever that feels the sting, I am not going to be sorry. Yes,I AM NOT! If you know your conscience is clear then you have nothing to worry about. All this drama is over rated and the only reason I'm reacting is because it's getting very annoying day by day. It's stepping on my last nerves but I'm patient enough to know that worrying about this little fragments of life shittiest side is a waste of time. I live my life the way I wanted it to be, I can cry if I want to, I can laugh if I want to and I can and will do whatever I want. I don't need you to worry about that.
Plus this is my space so respect it like I respect yours. I can and will rant bout anything I want, it does not concern you. Leave this space if you want to because I DON'T CARE!
Moving on, today was like mentally exhausting for me, but then again I'm always mentally exhausted come Thursday. Had lunch with the girls at PHut, laughing here and there. Entertaining Humai's crazy antics. Tomorrow is like a waste of time going to school. Four hours of doing basically nothing but unfortunately. Blagh! But I will be meeting Atiq tomorrow, maybe. Weekends are fully booked, might be going out and spend some time with Baby then will head off to granny's place. Come Sunday, we will be celebrating her birthday which is supposedly today with a small family gathering. Steamboat baybeh! Can't wait to meet my beloved cousin and the rest of the family.
And before I go off, here's to Dad & Granny! HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU TWO! I love you both even though I don't always say it.
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August 5, 2009 @ 10:41 PM
Pretty face & the ugly truth.
My laughing gases in school plus Nadiah, Maisarah and Azreen who are not in the picture. They are the ones who kept me true in school and help me restrain myself from hurting people, if you know what I mean. I had the most of fun in school whenever I'm around them. They are like my comfort zone.
Especially now when some of the people are getting so freaking irritating, FUCKING IRRITATING I tell you! Pardon me for my French, but come on.
You keep saying you've had enough, saying all kind of shits, trying to be so indirect. If you really meant what you said then you wouldn't dwell on it anymore and if you're brave enough to insult me then please pick up your balls and say it to my face. Oh please, I've had all sorts of people saying all kind of shits behind my back so its not surprising to me at all, because we all know how easy it is to judge and hate someone in an instant. Stop screaming around acting like some kind of 5 year old trying to get all sorts of attention. Then again, maybe that is your motive, to get all that unnecessary attention and letting others pick up your slack. Don't you know that its a disgrace. To some of us who are sane enough its very insulting. You do the math dear, where will all that get you?
Labels: baby find this annoying too.
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as I lay in solitude
10:06 PM
We were on top of the world, standing on the peak with teetering toes, holding hands. One slight move and its suicidal. As we all know, love is a riddle and up till now, 54 months and counting, I am still trying to figure everything out. It was never easy as we all know it. But when everything is going so smoothly, all we ever wanted was time to stop.
I love you baby and without any doubt you that I'll be there for you. Its just up to you whether you are willing to open up to me.
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August 4, 2009 @ 9:16 PM
I had a long day mostly because of waiting. Instead of BZE some of the girls and I had to go for an interview. A very long wait but thankfully it was a very relax interview, a mass interview. After the interview I rushed off with Jannah because I had to go to aunt's place and meet grandma for awhile. A funny ride back home. Jannah and I laughed at the most random things. Reached home completely shagged. Checked on a few things here then I want to go complete my assignments before having my much needed rest for the day.
bye now!
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still lovedrunk
August 3, 2009 @ 9:01 PM
Blurry eyes & Hot sweat.
Work was hilarious yesterday, laughed non-stop and reached home feeling shagged. Needless to say, I laughed my ass off the whole week through. Sampai semput eh Jannah? haha. This does not include the geng, if we were to meet, I'm sure I'll be short of breath too.
Not surprisingly, I started my day, well, laughing. Thanks to the girls. Good way to start the morning aye? What is also not surprising about Mondays are the dry as ever lessons. It may not bore me to death but it bore me enough to get me to sleep, which I know I'm not suppose to. Then waking up to join the laughing. Sometimes I wonder where in hell do I get all that energy to continue laughing and do all sorts of crazy whatnot with the girls even after hours of school.
Nothing special happen in school today, just the usual. Except that ite bishan decided to open up a cheer squad, in which I was seriously contemplating whether or not I should sign up. But in the end I decided not to. I mean, for all of you that knows me , cheerleading is my passion and its a bummer that Sonix has to close down. I decided not to because I don't want to join a squad where more than half of my heart will not be in.
Therefore here's a newsflash for whoever that is interested;
SONIX IS IN THE PROCESS OF RE-OPENING AND IN THE FUNDAMENTALS OF RECRUITING BE IT IN MANPOWER AND RESOURCES.
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED PLEASE PM ME. THANKS.
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August 1, 2009 @ 10:03 PM
Saturday Night.
time check: 10.04pm
Home early this Saturday night. I went to Baby's this afternoon, chilled before he sent me home. Got home, got ready, had an impromptu photo shoot whilst waiting for Baby to come and pick me up. We went on to visit his grandmother today, his ever so cute grandmother and aunt. While eating the ever so spicy but nice dish his grandmother made, she talked about the nenek keropok and all other sorts of whatnot. I was scared of course, you know me. But I managed not to squeal. After lunch cum dinner we chilled for awhile, talk to his grandma then its off to meet his friends. Blah blah blah, he sent me off before heading to his friend's kenduri.
Md Haziq was at my place when I reached home. Miss that little munchkin who never seem to grow in size. As usual, I had a fun when he's around. Here's something I find very funny.
translated.
haziq: cha, there's so many guitar. (pointing to the bag filled with my dad's soccer balls)
me: huh? guitar? ball lar.
haziq: ah, ball. what lar icha! ball lar not guitar.
(insinuating that i was wrong)
me: ahh? okay lar. sorry sorry. my fault. (still trying not to burst into laughter)
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