New Beginnings
December 30, 2010 @ 12:45 PM
The year is coming to an end very soon. And another new year shall begin.
This time last year, I was so reluctant to welcome a new year. I had a hard time letting go and was not anywhere ready to begin a whole new year. I had so many unfinished business or so you could say and I badly wanted to finish them all before I could start a whole new year. I wanted the year to be fresh, to be filled with new beginnings. I did not want to bring what was unsettled to some place new.
2010 has been great if not awesome. Compared to 2009, it is way better. Just like other years, some where along the way it has break me and make me to be the person I am today. Even if its just a small puzzle piece. I've had some great experiences and I made so much great memories.
2010 has been great if not awesome. Compared to 2009, it is way better. Just like other years, some where along the way it has break me and make me to be the person I am today. Even if its just a small puzzle piece. I've had some great experiences and I made so much great memories.
This time round, I am more than excited to start the new year. I realize that certain things will stay the same regardless the year. I am still going to stand on the same ground as I have always stood on. Some things are bound to happen along the way and I have to, like always, work myself around it. I realize that I have not set out my resolutions for the past few years and I am probably not going to have them for 2011 either. I have decided to let it be, be with it, be happy and deal with it comes what may. I will let things fall into place they way it should. I will do what I have to, what I can, to make 2011 as smooth as possible.
Have a happy new year everyone.
xoxo ♥
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Shade of Blue
December 21, 2010 @ 11:49 PM
When I was younger, I strongly believed that I could have the world. My ambitions were as high as the skies. I trusted the ones who were nice to me. I knew what I wanted and nothing could stop me from getting there. I'd get disappointed but I'll be fine a moment later. I couldn't differentiate how it feels to be heart broken. All I knew that when I get sad its because of something trivial, like the candy I could not have.
But as I grew older, things were not so simple anymore. Climbing the ladder isn't so easy and the people I meet are barely trust worthy. It gets so clouded and I felt like I did not know what I wanted anymore. I'd get disappointed at the little things because I got my expectations up a little too high. And when I get upset, it's probably because my heart got broken.
Everything changes. The skies changes shades, the leaves changes colour and the people we once and thought we knew changes. And when I see that other side of a person I never knew they even had, something in me changed. I tend to see them in another perspective. The person who I thought I once knew is not there anymore. Who I see in front of me is a completely different person.
A part of me have grown bitter. I can't seem to find it in me to find that silver lining. But fret not, there is still a huge part of me that is strongly optimistic. I'm happy. I won't let the dried leaves from my branches poison my bark.
xoxo ♥
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For what it's worth
December 16, 2010 @ 4:54 PM
Everything is going so well. I've finally moved on and got over it. Then you had to come back, you had to relieve those painful scars I've been trying to mend and those heart wrenching memories that I've been trying to erase. You came back behaving like nothing ever happened.
Maybe you had your intentions. But why now? Why after I've gotten myself ack up again then you appear inmy life in the most unconventional way? Do you know the damage you've done, the glasses you have shattered? True, perhaps it is not entirely your fault and I should give you a fair chance. But I'm not willing to take the risk for that chance. I have to decided to move on from it and I am not going to let you come back, opening a door for me to go back to the past. It might give me some answers that I once kept looking for but it might also create doubts on things that I do not wish to second guess.
I can't move forward if I keep going back to the past. I'm going to be the bitch now and ignore everything and anything about you. Its bad enough that you have to come back and just because of that everything came rushing back. What more if I let you put your words in my head.
xoxo ♥
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One More Night
December 5, 2010 @ 8:01 PM
I've come to a point where my feet is up and I am just one step away from leaving. I am just one step away of pulling the line and let everything I held on for, everything I tied up keeping it together fall apart. But there's one thing holding me back and I do not know what it is. Every time, without fail. Every time I thought of it, something at the back of my head holds me back and I spent another night thinking. I spent another day dealing with this emotions I do not want to deal with. I berate myself whenever I thought of the fact that I'm not happy anymore. But I upbraid myself even more when I thought of the way I let you treat me. I hate the fact that everything changes over one thing. I hate that you treat me like an option.
xoxo ♥
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Ball of sun
December 1, 2010 @ 8:26 PM
To give me all your love is all I ever asked cause what you don't understand, is I'd catch a grenade for ya. Throw my hand on the blade for ya. I'd jump in front of a train for ya.You know I'd do anything for ya. See I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain, yes I would die for you baby. - Bruno Mars
I realize something when I woke up this morning. The world doesn't stop for anyone and anything. Just because you're sad, you can't expect it to stop and wait till everything picks up. You have to make it work on your own. Initially I wanted to just stay in bed, forgo school, stay under the covers and just sleep because it seem to be the easiest thing to do. I did not want to wake up and deal with all those emotions while trying to balance out the day. But for some reason, I mustered up the courage to get out of bed and face the day. I can't be hiding out every time I'm upset, I have a whole lot of things planned out and some things cannot be put on hold just because I'm upset and I don't have it in me to do it. My life has to go on and I have so much more to plan out ahead.
And as I woke up and get myself ready for school, mum made it upon herself, cheering me up in her most subtle ways. That's when I knew, even if I can't do it for me, others are dependent on me for a better day. So I brace myself up and smile my day through even though my heart felt like it's been stabbed. Having to made through the whole day without breaking down especially with the guilt tagging to me all the way helps me prove to myself that I am strong. I used to doubt everyone who told me that I'm strong because I knew I was not. But now, I will be okay, things will be okay and we'll see how it will pan out. Things will pick up from where it left off, hopefully.
xoxo ♥
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