Paranoia
May 27, 2012 @ 11:38 PM
I have had quite a share of being stabbed from the back but never by people whom I regard as family. Ever since the conversation happened and how it all went down, I have been so wary of every single thing whenever I am around them. I can't help but to take everything that is being said to heart, neither can I help myself from constantly feeling like there is a target on my back, just waiting for the knives to start coming at me.
I think the hardest part of all these isn't about the changing part, it isn't about the process either. I think its how I will always feel betrayed and having that influx of crazy things running in my head. Where every word being said is like a bullet coming right at me. And I don't know what to do. I keep freezing because I don't ever want to be doing the wrong thing but I can;t help myself to wonder and imagine the thoughts running in their head.
I am way past the reserved zone. I am now at wary. I hesitate at the slightest thing. Suffice to say, I am paranoid.
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