goodbye for now
June 15, 2010 @ 5:23 PM
I got afraid when things started to slowly spiral downwards but I tried as hard as I could to fight the feeling away. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail, but those times where I do succeed, I wishfully thought that I could freeze time so that I could enjoy the moment for as long as I like to.
Reality isn't always rainbows and butterflies and you don't need to be a genius to figure that out. With the things that has been going on in my life right now, it surprises me that I needed nothing more than the comfort of my own quiet room. I know my loved ones will be there for me ultimately but what I need now is some alone time.
I woke up at 3 in the morning to a text message that broke me into a million pieces. I stayed up the whole night filling my head with all sorts of question, I cried my heart out in silence and I finally managed to fall asleep once its dawn. I woke up feeling sore and horrible but it dawned on me that I needed to settle this on my own. I can cry as much as I want but at the end of the day I still need to do something to solve this. For the first time in a long time, I would rather talk in circles about my aching heart than spelling out my misery.
This space is going to stay private for quite a long time, I might not even open it back to the public. And this space might even be a little dusty because there are some things in my life right now that I need to re-prioritize. I appreciate all the concern and words of encouragement because you don't know how much that warms my heart but don't expect an answer if you ask me what is really going on.
xoxo
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