Alone
March 24, 2011 @ 1:20 AM
These few days, I've been feeling rather lonely. Now that school is taking to a halt for the time being, I find myself missing how every single day used to be when I was still schooling. I had things to do, most importantly I have someone there to go through it with me. The first few days of this holiday started out pretty good. I have plans going on, I have something to look forward to, someone to rejoice to.
Now, I find myself feeling left out, cut from the world. I find people keeping up on track with their life, social life while I keep drifting back. I feel like I've been put in this position on purpose, like the every one out there to get me or then again, to leave me. It's like I'm the person, who gets to know last or gets to know nothing at all and appears lost in a moving world.
Other than H and spending my time with him, it seems like no one else is there anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with H and his sisters, I just feel lonely. Get me? This is a point where, you have so much in your head you just could not find the right words to express it.
I go on about my day doing the same old thing, a routine. Even the process of taking a bathe follows a routine. And it bothers me, I mean I like being in control but this routine-d situation is slowly driving me nuts. During the day, while H is at work, I keep trying to occupy my mind with anything at all. I do not wish to be left alone with it. Everybody knows its self-destructive. But then, I can't help it but to go to this dark place in my head convincing me to let it all be, convincing me to not let it get to me and in the end I find myself keeping a distance from everyone. I convinced myself that I should be bothered and maybe this distance would make someone notice me.
I hope this makes sense because honestly, I don't think it does. But I couldn't care less. Point is, I'm lonely. I really am.
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