White Lies

mind over body

March 31, 2010 @ 3:28 PM

This morning, I realize something oddly true. I guess it has been true all along. One word, questioning. We question so many things in life. Most of the times it involves the 'what if(s)'. We ask questions yet we fear what the answer would be because sometimes the answers are not the ones we want to hear.

This morning when Hatta told me he loves me I did not do what I usually do. Question. I's ask every single question possible and comes up with my own answer. But today, I decided to just let it sink in me and wherever the boats decides to maneuver, I'll follow.

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Before, I used to get what I want just by asking for it. However, ever since I turned eighteen and started working then, it stopped. I had to depend on myself to get what I want. But since I stopped working months back, it was not that easy anymore.

My grandmother has been pestering me to get another job, help out with the family burden a bit. I want to but I don't want to work, not right now. She just doesn't understand it I guess. I mean I can put up with the constant questioning of me getting another job but sooner or later it gets a little irritating.

It's not that I don't want to work. It's just that I'm not ready to start working again. That feeling isn't there yet. I find this reasonable because one I am still schooling and two, as much as working can help me increase my pocket value, it's not the same if I'm not into it. Get it?

xoxo ♥

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baby blues

March 29, 2010 @ 11:14 PM

I'm sure you would have noticed it by now. New skin baby! I've been wanting to get a fresh look since weeks back but laziness got in my way. Then I saw my friends changing up theirs, it just makes me want to change mine even more. So today I pluck up my lazy behind and went to find myself something I like. So far so good. I'm liking in. Wait till I get bored of it then I'll change it again. Heh. Till then.

xoxo ♥

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secret code

March 28, 2010 @ 6:52 PM

I've been in situations where I felt like I was in it alone. It was so confusing that sometimes even I don't get what's going on. I had to deal with all the raw emotions on my own. Not that I wanted it to be that way, just that no one else could really understand. At times I wonder why couldn't everyone just get it and I would just isolate everything.

You see, sometimes, not everyone can understand what you're going through or what you went through. It's like something just meant for you. It's like its written in some kind of scientific code that you and only you could decipher and comprehend. No matter how you try to spell it out loud, nothing can make it easier for others to understand.

xoxo ♥

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little birdie bee

March 26, 2010 @ 4:00 PM

A little birdie once told me that one should not waste their time and effort on someone who does not deserve them. I never truly understood why because I always believed that if you never try you would never know.

I lived my life trying and hoping, even though at times things are bleak. I believe there will always be light at the end of the tunnel. I've seen first hand how you could easily push someone you love away. How you would give every ounce of energy, time and effort you got trying. And how all those effort just went down the drain when you realize that all this while, you were the only one with hands help up high. When that happens, I began to wonder if it's meant to be that way in the first place or did I not tried hard enough.

Everybody knows that running away from it all is not an answer but everybody still does it. Sometimes fantasizing is good to get away from the realm of reality. In my life, I have pushed people away from me and I have had people push me away but that does not mean it's the end of the world. Everybody needs somebody, at the very least. While some are better off, there are others who could really be there even if you don't want them to. You see, once you push the ones you love away, there is a chance that they might never come back. It is then we learn the term regret.

I have had people tell me how strong of a person I am given the circumstance I've went through. I thank them with all my heart. It's not easy living life as it is. Why? Because it's god damn it; life. I've learnt the meaning of trouble and I've learn that I'm going to stay away from it as much as I possibly could. I'll them find me instead. My opinions have got me in trouble once before and lately, I realize perhaps I should just keep them to myself.

xoxo ♥

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journey

March 24, 2010 @ 3:52 PM