these walls
December 31, 2009 @ 3:37 PM
If I was given a choice whether to face the real world or to stay within the safest four walls. I would choose the latter. I'd feel much safer to be within the these walls. But then, reality steps in. Whatever it is, we always have to face reality. These days my body feels so heavy yet so light at the same time. I would just want to stay in bed, curled up under the duvet, somehow the silence allows me to think even if it takes all day. Every time my heart flutters, the silence always manage to calm me down. My room defines me in so many ways. Every inch of it has you and me baby. It hurts to be in it some times but most times, the comfort of those walls makes me feel safe.
2009 draws to an end. If you come up to me a few weeks ago and talk about the beginning of a new year. I would probably say that it's coming on pretty fast, too fast. Truth is I was not ready to let 2009 go just yet. I felt so unprepared. Then again, I am still not ready for a new year. So many things happen in 2009 and I am not ready to move on from it just yet. I can't just leave everything and move on with the new year like nothing happen. Maybe that works for everybody else but not for me.
2009 was a hell of a roller coaster ride for me. At times I even felt that it was too much for me to handle. It's not that I'm not glad I got to surpass those moments when I felt like dying, just that this year made me realize so many things - mostly matters of the heart. Even right now, as I'm typing this, I am no where near ready to welcome the new year. I am no where near ready to let go of what 2009 had for me. This year really took a toll on me, I made decisions that obviously affects every aspect of my life. I took major steps that changed a lot of things in my life.
Ironically, I am glad I experienced them now than never. Even though I might come out of these scarred, I believe I'm stronger than before. As much as I hate welcoming the new year; start a new beginning and those resolution shit, there is no way of stopping them. Either way, it's going to happen. So, farewell 2009 and welcome 2010. Horaaa. -.-
0 comments: leave a comment