Anybody There
June 15, 2011 @ 9:37 PM
Dear God, if this is one of the ways that you have chosen to test my family and I, I will gladly accept it. I know you would not make me go through something I could not handle. This might be your test to see how strong we are as a person and together.
Emotionally and mentally, my mum is the strongest person I know. She has been put in situations I don't see myself surviving out from. But she did and every time she does I see her coming out of it stronger. Maybe it is just a front but I would rather believe that she became stronger. My mum never shows her emotions towards us, she never shows any signs of weakness but I know deep down, her heart is breaking. And it kills me, it kills me to see her having her guards up all the time and seeing her being so strong. I want to be there for her, I want her to know that I am always here for her, that she can always lean on my shoulders at anytime any day.
Today she told me something which doesn't really surprise me but I knew right when I heard about it, I need to do all I can this time around to help her get through this. I know she would not able to cope with this. You see, this isn't the first time this happened. The first time it happened, I was too young to understand. I was too young to understand the grief and the pain that my mum had to go through but now I do. I could see how hard it is going to be on her, on all of us. I understood the burden it brings. I understood all these emotions I developed towards 'you' because of this. It might have been such a turmoil of emotions all in one but I understood it. I was set on looking at you with such disdain for acting such recklessly and leaving us to pick up after your mess. But I could not, no matter how much I said or try not to bother I ended up being a curve ball. And H is right, even if I could not do it for you this time, I need to do it for my mum.
This time around, I hope you learn your lesson.
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