Self-Esteem
June 14, 2011 @ 10:44 PM
Let's just cut to the chase shall we. H asked me today where was my self-esteem. Right when the question came out from the tip of his tongue, I lost it. I lost all control of my emotions and cried.
I had a good self-esteem once. But somewhere along the line, I lost it. It went lower and lower as I go. All that bravery I portrayed was not confidence. It was just a front. I learned to master a brave front deceiving others including myself that it was confidence. But the fact of the matter is it never was confidence, it was just a mask.
I'm that girl who sits quietly with her thoughts and keeps them to herself. I'm scared and timid, I barely voice out my opinions. I'm the girl who resist change, who is scared of trying something new. I'm the girl who rather just sits and watch than try. I'm the girl who starts to tear up because of high frustration. I'm the girl who bottles everything up. The girls who has so much difficulty saying no even if its or its not for her own benefit. I'm the girl just like any other girl who is scared of what people might think of her. The girl who gets so insecure that even when she sees people whispering, instantly assumes they are talking about her. All in a nutshell, I am just a very scared girl. There is not an ounce of confidence in me that can last a lifetime.
So yes, it hit me hard when H asked me where my self-esteem was. It made me feel like I was lacking something and I am. I know its not just me, I know that there are other girls and guys out there who feels the same way. This is sad, a sad truth.
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