My Answers
March 24, 2011 @ 1:20 AM
A dear friend of mine posted a few questions that she wants me to answer thus this post will be dedicated to her (sort of). Shafiqah Sahar here are my answers to your questions. Hopes it suffice. :) Here it goes.
Q1: What was your first impression of me and has it changed after you know me?
I first found out of who you are when I first stumbled upon your blog through F. I do not hate you, I just dislike you simply because you were her best friend. I sort of judged you there and then. I hated the fact that, assuming, you agree to her actions and when I saw your pictures, I thought you were a arrogant. But then I met you. The first time I met you, you were so out there, so social. You talked to me like you've known me for years. And in an instance everything I thought you were went away and I found this person with a huge personality and I was so glad you nothing of what I assumed you were. I am so glad you that you are so social, if not we would probably be hating on each other right now. HAHA I hated the fact that I judged you with all those negative things and I am truly sorry. You are a true reason why I should never judge a book by its cover. You know I love you. First impression has definitely changed.
Q2: Would you rather be blind or disabled at 18? Why?
Honestly, I'd choose neither but if I am to choose between this two, I would probably be disabled at 18. Nothing against blind people, I would love to be able to see even if it means being short-sighted. Being disabled at 18 means that I've been able-bodied for the past 17 years, it means I got the chance to experience things. And not that being blind stops you from being the best that you could be but having being able-bodied before would only drive me to be better when I'm disabled, certain changes to adapt to but if it means getting to do the same thing that I was able to do on my own before is good enough.
Q3: If you have a daughter who got pregnant at 16 out of wedlock. What would you do/say to her?
It would probably be very disappointing to have a daughter get pregnant out of wedlock, no matter the age but if I have one that gets herself in that situation, I for sure would not get her to go for an abortion. I'll explore several options first, not necessarily marry her off because one she's young, she would probably not know a single thing about marriage. Perhaps just come to an agreement with the other party what it may be. If we intend to keep the baby, we'll raise it the best way we can. If we really cannot accept the baby, just have it up for adoption. I won't be harsh with my words with her, but just because I don't show my anger doesn't mean I'm not and she has to figure it out.
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Alone
1:20 AM
These few days, I've been feeling rather lonely. Now that school is taking to a halt for the time being, I find myself missing how every single day used to be when I was still schooling. I had things to do, most importantly I have someone there to go through it with me. The first few days of this holiday started out pretty good. I have plans going on, I have something to look forward to, someone to rejoice to.
Now, I find myself feeling left out, cut from the world. I find people keeping up on track with their life, social life while I keep drifting back. I feel like I've been put in this position on purpose, like the every one out there to get me or then again, to leave me. It's like I'm the person, who gets to know last or gets to know nothing at all and appears lost in a moving world.
Other than H and spending my time with him, it seems like no one else is there anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with H and his sisters, I just feel lonely. Get me? This is a point where, you have so much in your head you just could not find the right words to express it.
I go on about my day doing the same old thing, a routine. Even the process of taking a bathe follows a routine. And it bothers me, I mean I like being in control but this routine-d situation is slowly driving me nuts. During the day, while H is at work, I keep trying to occupy my mind with anything at all. I do not wish to be left alone with it. Everybody knows its self-destructive. But then, I can't help it but to go to this dark place in my head convincing me to let it all be, convincing me to not let it get to me and in the end I find myself keeping a distance from everyone. I convinced myself that I should be bothered and maybe this distance would make someone notice me.
I hope this makes sense because honestly, I don't think it does. But I couldn't care less. Point is, I'm lonely. I really am.
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Bitter Bites
March 16, 2011 @ 3:47 PM
It bothers me that I have become such a bitter person. It is eating me up inside. I don't want to be so bitter anymore. I dont want to be overwhelmed by this dark soul builiding up inside of me. It scares me that sometimes I show no mercy. I need that light in my soul again. I want to feel happy again. I've been so unhappy that it sucks every joy out left in me. I don't want to be this paranoid, confuse person that I am right now. I don't want to be a sadistic anymore. Help me.
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Part Two
March 5, 2011 @ 9:52 PM
Like I mentioned on the previous post (read: for the record), I managed to take more than just knowledge from my time in ITE. I have gotten the best thing I could ever asked for and that is my friends, my girls especially. I am sure that this is not just a passe, that my friendship with them will go on even beyond the walls of school. We have been through dramas after dramas, bitch fights and a lot more to get to where we are now, to be who we are now, together.
We cannot escape the reality of school, no matter how hard we try to avoid it or how trivial the matter is, we have to face it. It was not always smooth sailing when it comes to friends in school, we all know how important freindships are to me and how I do not take them lightly. Its either you stay or you go. No here and there, somewhere in between. But I'm glad I found these girls for me to call friends. Truth to be told, I never did expect that the five of us would end up together given the circumstances. I never did expect to find a group of people that I could easily depend on. But as I always said, everything will fall into place eventually. And with us as prove, it actually did.
So this is dedicated to my girls also known as, kambs, thank you for having my back when I need you. Thank you for creating such fond memories with me. I am going to miss seeing you girls everyday, laughing our ass off at the silliest things, creating something out of nothing (mostly nonsense). I am going to miss the pranking we do to people, even to each other. I am going to miss the weirds thing that we talk about, the weird way we talk to each other. I am going to miss the monopoly deals, the feast we have, the endless photo taking (read: mostly ruining photos of others). I am going to miss the random singing, the random dancing and everything else in between. Thank you for being a part of my journey and for making it worth the while. I know that we will not end here, there will be more days to come. And girls, you know I am always here if you need me. Always have and always will.
xoxo ♥
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For The Record
March 4, 2011 @ 5:47 PM
I have been meaning to put up this post for some time but when would be better time if it wasn't the day itself right?
Today officially marks the day ISB'09 graduates from ITE Bishan. Two years have definitely passed by pretty fast. The journey has been such an experience that I am proud to say that I have been there. My journey in ITE is one that I would never forget. I have been through a whole lot of shit during my stint there but it has taught me a whole lot too. I am proud to say that a part of what I am now is thanks to ITE. There may be times when I was a little too playful than I should have, a little too clouded than I should have but I am proud that I managed to complete everything that I am ought to and did better than what I thought I could. I shall not deny that I worked my ass off for every module, I did the best I could to succeed. I wanted to show others who never believed in me that I could do it, I could even surpassed their expectations of me. But I soon learnt that, I do not need to prove to anyone else anything at all. I did this, as hard as I did and I proved to myself that I could do it. And I did it. I achieved more than what I thought I would from it. And I am taking out a whole lot more than just education, than just knowledge. It has taught me so much valuable lessons that could not be taught anyway else. It has offered me so much than what I could ever asked for. It had also given me so much opportunities than one could ever asked for. I met so many people that believed in me.
Some may think that it's just ITE, what can I do and where I can I go with that qualification. Well, what I can say to that is, you have to be there to understand and appreciate the value of everything that will be offered.
Some may think that it's just ITE, what can I do and where I can I go with that qualification. Well, what I can say to that is, you have to be there to understand and appreciate the value of everything that will be offered.
Honestly, I had so much fun. I made friends that would probably last with me through a lifetime, safe to say. I made memories that might fade but if it comes back, it would instantly light up my day. Last but not least, I may not be able to change the perception of others towards ITE, but my journey there has definitely changed mine.
xoxo ♥
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