Come What May
July 20, 2011 @ 10:08 PM
I never really thought that my life is hard. Honestly, even with all the obstacle I have been through, all the sticks and stones thrown at me, the fact that I have been able to pick up from every falling point shows me how I could surpass anything at all. I have always believed that this is how it is suppose to be that even when the odds are down, the time will come when everything will eventually fall in place. Maybe it's that belief I have and the patience I have in me that I will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But right now, I am not so sure anymore. Sometimes I wonder if it's better this way you know? To know how difficult life can get at a young age like this, thinking that nothing could get worse than it already is but somehow it did. And I wonder what all these means. Does it mean that when the future comes my life would be easier? Is it this a way to teach me how to be strong so I could face come what may?
Everything may have a reason behind it, I just wished I knew.
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See You Soon
July 19, 2011 @ 5:40 PM
We all know how hard goodbyes can be. No matter how strong we make ourselves out to be, we would eventually crumble when the time comes. We could put on a facade, tell ourselves that we can do it. We laugh at every joke and slapstick even though we know that we are still going in the same direction. With every step being closer to saying goodbye. I've experience a number of goodbyes in my life and it doesn't get easier each time.
I wish I had the chance to say a proper goodbye. No, I did have the chance to, I just did not take it. I knew when the time comes I might not have the opportunity to do so. So I am writing this to you. I know you'll be back in time to come but what breaks my heart or perhaps everyone's hearts was the fact that, that was our last goodbye to you till then. I know we don't exactly have the best relationship and there is so much more to be mended but I have never hated you for who you are. There are times when I am utterly disappointed in you but you and I, we can't change who we are to each other. I could not get that image out of my head, that heartbreaking image. Even if I could, I don't I think I would want to.
Everyone is still reeling it all in. The wound is still so fresh but I know that we'll get through. I'm not angry, I never was. I was just disappointed but right now I'm just sad. We all are. But we will be okay. Don't you worry, we'll take her hand and hold it tight, we'll give her strength if she needs it. We'll keep it together. You will always be in our hearts, so keep us in yours. If there is one thing I'm learning from this, this time around is making changes. I hope we'll make it better. I love you and I'll....
See you soon ♥
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Dirt Rug
July 10, 2011 @ 10:14 PM
You know what. This is me. I'm bad at making people feel better no matter how I try. I'm bad at giving admirable advice, bad at comforting people, bad at saying things that's on my mind, bad at making things better at the very least. I'm a klutz. I let people trample on all over me like a dirt rug over and over again. I let people make me feel horrible and yet say nothing about it. I don't like people giving me looks of pity or sympathizes me to make me feel better because it makes me feel even more pathetic then it did before. I am petty. I let little things get to me. I have the tendency to put people before me regardless the good or bad consequences it brings me. I let myself get disappointed all over again. This is who I am.
I am not happy most of the time. I worry a little too much. I over-think, just like everyone else. I over-react. People expect so much from me and I feel like I, myself am a disappointment. I have tonnes of questions. I question myself and everyone in my life but it's all in my head. Nothing ever comes out because I am scared of the answers.
I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling worthless. I'm tired of feeling like I am never good enough. I'm tired of feeling like nobody ever did give a care in the world. I might sound really selfish but really, I am just truly tired.
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77th
July 3, 2011 @ 8:08 PM
I know I may not be the best girlfriend int the world and I get on your nerves most of the time but to be fair you'd get on mine too. But with all the reasons aside, for the all the imperfections that you have, it does not stop me from loving you. And for all the imperfections that I am, I hope I am good enough for you love. I love you babe.
Forever and Always ♥
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Battlefield
8:02 PM
The hardest battle we can ever go through is between ourselves. I for one, am very familiar with it. Every corner of it. It's not exactly rainbows hidden between the tiny spaces. It's not so easy to find the silver lining in every thought that comes.
How? How can anything or anyone else be good enough if I don't find myself more than enough for me, let alone anyone else. It does not help either when I see all that I wanted on someone else. This isn't easy for me, dealing me against me. I have never opened up on the reasons why I keep doing this or why am I going through this. Truth is, I don't know either. I don't know how to put in words exactly to confide in anyone.
All I can say is, this battle has been more about me trying to surpass the needing of meeting expectations. I expect a lot from anything and mostly everyone. I always want things to go my way. To put it simply, I would even got to the extend of planning my own surprise party. So when things don't go my way, I simply gets disappointed. This expectations can come from anything at all, envy, need etc.
It's difficult because every time things get disappointing, it makes me feel like I' not good enough. It's killing me, slowly. I feel like this battle is taking over me and its getting very exhausting.
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