cluttered head, summer hair
May 31, 2010 @ 9:40 PM
I want to let things go easy, go with the flow but my mind is telling me so many things that restricts me from doing so and it doesn't help when my heart decides to take a split second to agree. Fact is I could easily let things go easy, I could not be this paranoid but I am constantly hounded by the incessant 'what if(s)'.
What if I let it be easy and the things that has been running in my head turns out to be true? What if I could do something about it but I let it slide because I thought I was too paranoid. What if I was the one who pushed you to this? I'm scared and I shall not deny that. I also know that being afraid would not bring this anywhere but put yourself in my shoes. Would you risk it all with everything at stake, put it all on the line just so you could get somewhere even though it will be uncertain or would you stay where you are and bring this nowhere, at least for now and feel safe.
I want to feel safe in your arms, I want to have butterflies in my stomach whenever I see you. I want you to fill the empty spaces between my fingers. I want you to wrap your hands around my waist, kiss me under the stars. I want to easily look into your eyes and find the answers I need without even asking. I need to know that I mean something to you. I want to be able to be around you and feel like everything is easy like it used to be before.
xoxo ♥
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selfish thoughts
May 30, 2010 @ 11:40 PM
I love you. don’t you see? Don’t you understand? You’re the love of my life. I can’t leave you. But you’re constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want, you come back when you want. You stand by everyone, but you leave me. So I’m asking you, if you don’t see a future for us, if you’re not in this, please. Just end it because I can’t.-Grey’s Anatomy
Some of the times I feel this way but right now, right this moment I am happy. I like where I'm at now even when my mind starts to run wild ant convince me otherwise. I don't know but with the way things are now, I am pretty much content. Even though there are things I wish I could get my hands into, I know I can't if you won't let me in.
When people get angry, they experience this mad rust that triggers a whole lot of things. Our mind get so paranoid, thing we thought that was never possible seem possible. We say things we don't mean, well most of it and we start seeing things in a different light.
Baby, don't destroy what we have now because if what you've got in your pocket is another blow for me, please know that I could not handle it. I'm as fragile as you are. My mind and my heart are only in sync for a few seconds and what I felt within that span is something I don't like.
xoxo ♥
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the only one
May 28, 2010 @ 5:39 PM
One of the way instincts is defined is that it is a natural or innate impulse, inclination or tendency.
My instincts are always strong and most of the time it is there to prove me right. However, I hate that it's always right about the wrong things. All the things that I wished wasn't true. It lingers on my mind the whole time until the truth reveals itself. I may be naive but I'm not stupid. I know what are the chances. I just wished that you would have learned your lesson, that you's see what you've put me through once before. It's not all the time that my mistakes triumph over what you did. I know when I agreed to give you another chance, I agreed to the chances that this will happen again but I just wished that you'd appreciate that and prove me wrong.
I'm tired of feeling this way over and over again these past few days. Baby, can you please humour me once and for all with the truth.
xoxo
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baby boy
1:26 PM
Haziq: Just now I saw a black monster there.Me: What? Where?Haziq: There *points at store room door*
Me: Big or small?Haziq: Big. It was there then it was gone.Me: *turns to mum, scared and asked if this boy was for real or not*Haziq: *jumps out of room and laugh* Icha, you were shocked right. I lied.Me: You little rascal!Haziq: Laughing hysterically.
This was nearly midnight. He was not asleep and still has the cheek to scare me. He is just four years old for god's sake. Can you believe it, I entertained him till he fell asleep at 1.30 in the mornign and he woke up at 6.30. Then disturbed me in my sleep. -.-
xoxo ♥
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'some' things
May 27, 2010 @ 12:20 AM
Some things, I can't be bothered with anymore. Some things, I wish I never have to know. Some things, I wish I could wash my hands off. Some things, are just a waste of my time and some things are just not worth it.
Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it’s this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state’s of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don’t recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Until it eventually hits us, it’s been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar. - Grey's Anatomy
xoxo ♥
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goodbye forever
May 24, 2010 @ 11:06 PM
xoxo ♥
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May 23, 2010 @ 9:03 PM
Sometimes things are easier to say through writing.
For some reason saying what I feel out loud is much much harder.
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