mind over body
March 31, 2010 @ 3:28 PM
This morning, I realize something oddly true. I guess it has been true all along. One word, questioning. We question so many things in life. Most of the times it involves the 'what if(s)'. We ask questions yet we fear what the answer would be because sometimes the answers are not the ones we want to hear.This morning when Hatta told me he loves me I did not do what I usually do. Question. I's ask every single question possible and comes up with my own answer. But today, I decided to just let it sink in me and wherever the boats decides to maneuver, I'll follow.
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Before, I used to get what I want just by asking for it. However, ever since I turned eighteen and started working then, it stopped. I had to depend on myself to get what I want. But since I stopped working months back, it was not that easy anymore.
My grandmother has been pestering me to get another job, help out with the family burden a bit. I want to but I don't want to work, not right now. She just doesn't understand it I guess. I mean I can put up with the constant questioning of me getting another job but sooner or later it gets a little irritating.
It's not that I don't want to work. It's just that I'm not ready to start working again. That feeling isn't there yet. I find this reasonable because one I am still schooling and two, as much as working can help me increase my pocket value, it's not the same if I'm not into it. Get it?
xoxo ♥
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baby blues
March 29, 2010 @ 11:14 PM
I'm sure you would have noticed it by now. New skin baby! I've been wanting to get a fresh look since weeks back but laziness got in my way. Then I saw my friends changing up theirs, it just makes me want to change mine even more. So today I pluck up my lazy behind and went to find myself something I like. So far so good. I'm liking in. Wait till I get bored of it then I'll change it again. Heh. Till then.
xoxo ♥
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secret code
March 28, 2010 @ 6:52 PM
I've been in situations where I felt like I was in it alone. It was so confusing that sometimes even I don't get what's going on. I had to deal with all the raw emotions on my own. Not that I wanted it to be that way, just that no one else could really understand. At times I wonder why couldn't everyone just get it and I would just isolate everything.You see, sometimes, not everyone can understand what you're going through or what you went through. It's like something just meant for you. It's like its written in some kind of scientific code that you and only you could decipher and comprehend. No matter how you try to spell it out loud, nothing can make it easier for others to understand.
xoxo ♥
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little birdie bee
March 26, 2010 @ 4:00 PM
A little birdie once told me that one should not waste their time and effort on someone who does not deserve them. I never truly understood why because I always believed that if you never try you would never know.
I lived my life trying and hoping, even though at times things are bleak. I believe there will always be light at the end of the tunnel. I've seen first hand how you could easily push someone you love away. How you would give every ounce of energy, time and effort you got trying. And how all those effort just went down the drain when you realize that all this while, you were the only one with hands help up high. When that happens, I began to wonder if it's meant to be that way in the first place or did I not tried hard enough.
Everybody knows that running away from it all is not an answer but everybody still does it. Sometimes fantasizing is good to get away from the realm of reality. In my life, I have pushed people away from me and I have had people push me away but that does not mean it's the end of the world. Everybody needs somebody, at the very least. While some are better off, there are others who could really be there even if you don't want them to. You see, once you push the ones you love away, there is a chance that they might never come back. It is then we learn the term regret.
I have had people tell me how strong of a person I am given the circumstance I've went through. I thank them with all my heart. It's not easy living life as it is. Why? Because it's god damn it; life. I've learnt the meaning of trouble and I've learn that I'm going to stay away from it as much as I possibly could. I'll them find me instead. My opinions have got me in trouble once before and lately, I realize perhaps I should just keep them to myself.
xoxo ♥
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journey
March 24, 2010 @ 3:52 PM
When faced with an uncertain future, the questions we truly hate to ask are the ones we fear we already know the answer to. - GG
xoxo ♥
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March 21, 2010 @ 9:41 PM
Love isn't him calming you down when you yell. It's him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right back in your face to wake you up and keep you grounded. It isn't him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones out of both of you, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. It's not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's him standing there, admitting he's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another person's hands and said, "Here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat or forget I ever handed it to you."
xoxo ♥
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feathery shoulders
9:26 PM
I wanted to blog about my very first meeting with Hatta's parents but I decided to keep it to myself except for the ones who have asked me personally. Yes, after all this years I finally met his parents for the first time. Anyway the point is, I figured it might lose it's meaning if I tell the whole wide world about it so only the closest to me knows about it. I guess it would be hard for others to fathom if I pour it out here.
xoxo ♥
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carnival rides
2:39 PM
I should probably start on the updates of my week. Yes, what an eventful week I had.I had a family chalet from the 17th to the 19th. It was definitely awesome, great bonding time with the whole big family. Uncle got us chauffeured in a Lexus excursion van to and fro. Big chalet even though it was a bit torn up. Bbq for both two days there, had our very own swimming pool, great breakfast and lunch credits to my aunt, monopoly day and night, eat all day all night. Checked out on friday morning.
After checking out from the chalet, we head home, met up with aunt and her family again and had lunch together. I am positive I gained weight because of the time I spent with the family. Head to aunt's place after lunch to watch a movie and then I was off to Hatta's place.
I helped out at Hatta's place in preparation for his sister's engagement on the 20th. Stayed there until late and came back early the next day to help out again. It was bloody tiring I tell you but effingly awesome. I had a great time even though by night fall my heels was killing my feet. I was glad to be able to help out.
Overall it was a very good week even though I lack of this thing called sleep but hey, no pain no gain! looking forward for another wonderful week of holidays. Waking up late on Monday, what could be better!
p/s pictures of chalet are still with aunt and pics of kakak sri's engagement was taken using kakak's camera so I don't have them. hehe
xoxo ♥
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March 16, 2010 @ 10:21 PM
I want to do so many things during my holidays. I want to have a date with my babygirls, countless of dates with Hatta, hanging out with my w.girls, a date with Shafiqah, hang out with the kapas bebola geng, feasting on good food, triple date with Nad and Jen, to the beach most probably with the girlfriends, sleepovers and so much more.
Tomorrow I'll be off to a family chalet and on Saturday is, well probably will be the day that will change my life forever. So, I have the first week cut out for me. Fingers cross for the coming weeks.
xoxo ♥
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cherry blossom
March 15, 2010 @ 5:15 PM
" Sometimes, I feel a little jealous inside imagining someone can please you more than me. I guess it’s just my insecurities acting up a bit, because I know I’m not the most beautiful, most fun, or even the most exciting person you’ll ever meet. "
xoxo ♥
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define you
March 11, 2010 @ 2:51 PM
What does it mean when people say " if you love someone, you let them go ". I find it very contradictory you see. You don't let the person you love go unless you are in a lovelorn relationship. If you love someone and he/she reciprocates the same feelings, why not go for it.
You don't give up just because you fear hurt. Neither do you let the one you love go just because you think it's hurting them. Being in love does not mean it has to make you happy. Being in love means you agree to let your heart get broken, you agree to put everything on the line, you agree to let yourself experience a storm once in awhile, you agree to let yourself feel insecure, you agree to put your heart in the hands of someone else and you agree that no matter what happens if it's within your means to work it out, you work it out.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies when it comes to love. You have to go through the rain before you get your rainbow. Love is about trust and love is about believing. Love is also about affections. There are times when you have fight for what is right. Everyone deserves to be in love, so don't let the ones you love go just because you feel that it might make them happy. That is being selfish.
xoxo ♥
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March 8, 2010 @ 9:05 PM
Everybody is insecure. They can tell you that they are not all they want but the fact of the matter is, everybody is insecure. However, not everybody is doubtful. I'm a very doubtful person and that may be the reason I break so easily. I doubt everything I have and sometimes the situation I'm in does not make things any easier.xoxo ♥
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let it slide
March 7, 2010 @ 11:05 PM
A good friend of mine made me realize something today. Actually, I've got a hunch about it since few weeks back. I guess I just needed that little push for me to accept the reality of it is. I have been trying to avoid dealing with this as much as I can. I want to follow my heart instead of my mind, but the truth is what it is.
I mean, we all define happiness as this ray of sunshine surrounded by beautiful butterflies. But I guess what we fail to see is that we always settle for the shades of grey. We tend to settle for what we have now than take the risk with the fear of losing it all. Most of the time it is because we felt that we are far in too deep.
I have had many things thrown at me from different angles of life. I have had times when I felt that things are getting too much for me to handle. But somehow I managed to pull through it all and I am proud of myself that I can still stand tall and move on with my life. People say they get how I feel, try to make me feel better and I appreciate that but nobody knows better than I do what I went through.
If you ask me if I'm happy, I will tell you I am. I may not be entirely happy but I am. Even though at times I feel like the reason to hold on is no longer there, even though I know what I felt was true and even though it hurts, at the end of the day I am still happy.
I guess my point is, we are satisfied even though we may not be entirely happy and that even though the truth is likely to hurt, we tend to follow our hearts instead of our mind and believe the remaining one percent of truth. Time is not gold. Time is not money. Time is just but a number. No matter how far we come if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
xoxo ♥
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2:41 AM
She insisted that I should have an entry about her. This girl have a way of convincing people to do things. haha. Shafiqah Sahar, this is for you. Initially, I wanted to post something funny about you but I decided I can still do that while putting in your good points. So here it goes.
Who would have thought that we can ever click so well given the circumstances. Come to think of it, you are the one of the people who I easily got along with, with an instance. I remember the first time we met. Haha. What a way to break the ice. Well, things pretty much flow as it is from there. I really thought you were the snobby and arrogant type of girls but who knew, we got that one thing in common. Well, you know I know. Haha. Then more things in common. It was really nice knowing you. Someone so humble yet has a confidence so high I bet the skies the limit. Someone who obviously have both beauty and brawn. Someone who you should really get to know instead of having your own pre-conceived judgement. I may not know you for long but it feels like it. Funny how I can easily open up to you just like that. It seems like we always have something to talk about.
There you go and with the benefit of the doubt, I honestly mean what I say.
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study smart
March 6, 2010 @ 6:48 PM
One week of treacherous brain work out. Three days of penning it all down. One month of pure bliss. Girls this is for you. Study smart and persevere. I know it gets crazy halfway through but we will enjoy the reaps of it. Best of luck my dear girls. I love you all.
xoxo ♥
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horo-love
March 4, 2010 @ 8:17 PM
If a Scorpio and a Sagittarius want to make a love match, they should be warned to slow down, take their time getting to know one another on a deep, significant level or else they run the risk of getting way ahead of themselves. This relationship could be over before either partner even realizes it's started if they're not careful! Their patience will be very richly rewarded. Sagittarius thrives on change, on the new and the exciting and on the power of positive thought. Scorpio just wants to get closer and strengthen emotional ties.
Both Scorpio and Sagittarius see each day as an adventure (or in Scorpio's case, a compelling mystery) and as an endless opportunity to explore, to probe, to learn. Shared escapades bring them closer. While Sagittarius may get fed up with Scorpio's stubbornness and inflexibility, Scorpio could be thinking their Sagittarius mate is just a little too hotheaded. They'll enjoy learning together, and travel could be very beneficial for this pair. Their relationship is always on the go!
Both of these love mates can multitask like pros, keeping each others interests at heart, juggling birthdays and special dates with family obligations, but it really takes Scorpio's follow-through to get anything finished in this pair. Sagittarius gets the urge to jump around from project to project, so Scorpio's stick-to-it-tivness comes in handy. Lucky for Scorp partners, Sagittarius notices all the work their mates put in -- and they definitely show their appreciation when they know it's needed. Scorpio can be stubborn, exacting and demanding, so this mate needs to give their Sagittarius love their personal space and time for their own interests. Scorpio leads Sagittarius' ideas fruition, even if Sagittarius has lost interest and moved on. So they're not all work and no play, Sagittarius comes through with their knack for flexibility, a positive quality that sometimes wins out over resolute determination.
What's the best thing about the Scorpio-Sagittarius relationship? The security and flexibility they can give one another. Once they open up to one another and to appreciate their different philosophies in love and in life, these two have potential for steamy relations, deep connections and heartfelt respect. As long as they communicate and celebrate their differences, theirs will be a passionate relationship.
Unquestionably I'm Scorpio and Hatta's Sagittarius. The ones I highlighted are the ones that hits the nail. Haha. I like this reading a lot. Hubba Hubba. Especially the last paragraph.
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March 2, 2010 @ 8:36 PM
When it comes to matters of the heart, I'm a sucker. There's a reason why I rather pretend that everything is okay than dealing with what it seems to be. I would rather hide behind the walls I built. I don't know how you do it. That thing where you flutter my little heart away and leave it breaking at the same time. We've played the pretending game for far too long. Baby I love you. I really do but reassurances can do us good sometimes. I miss you babe.
Well, hello there March.
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