i need you
November 28, 2010 @ 2:26 PM
I have a draft saved for you. But you might never get a chance to read it.
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ticking time bomb
November 27, 2010 @ 12:05 AM
I think it's common sense that you are to return the things that you borrowed the same way it was given to you. There's a reason why I'm always so reluctant to let other people use my stuff. I don't mind if it is the little things but even so it does not mean that you have to mistreat it. Call me stingy or what you may, I'm just very particular about my things. Are you willing to let others ruin your things even if you are the one insisting that they should borrow it? This is getting a tad frustrating and the patience in me is thinning.
I could easily tell my mum or my aunt about this. But I do not have it in me to vent my frustration on them. Especially when either way, it is going to put them in a spot and break their hearts, which will make me feel even more guilty. If you think this is very pathetic of me and that I am being petty and childish because I'm getting upset over materiality, then try walking in shoes, even if it is just for a night. And I am not trying to sing my own praises but the fact that I managed not to break anything in the room and get out of it being the bigger person and shift the anger somewhere else is a big deal, especially if you are me. So for now, I am just going to take a deep breath every single time and see how much longer I can last.
xoxo ♥
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November 25, 2010 @ 8:29 PM
When some girls cry, it's not over just one thing, it's built up anger and tears that they've been holding in for so long. They try to put a smile on their face everyday so that no one will see the hurt they're really feeling. Sometimes, the girls that seem the happiest are the one's breaking down inside. -Tumblr
I have been crying myself to sleep for the past nights. Things has not been sitting right with me. It's frustrating to be dealing with all this emotion at once and it's even more frustrating that I don't even understand some it. I'm tired of dealing with it over and over again but it seems like there is nothing I can ever do about it. I used to be able to deal with all this so easily once before but now, it's like I've lost all sense of hope. I don't even have my own room to cry my heart out. It sucks having to cry it all out in silence and it does not help at all. And I have to wake up the next day, breathing in the mild air and braving myself to be strong. I don;t know how much longer I can hold up anymore. Everything is getting on my nerves now.
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Always Be
November 20, 2010 @ 11:54 PM
I am who I am and I don't change for anyone unless its for the better and that someone is a significance to me. I'll always be the girl who trips over her own feet, always clumsy. I'll always sensitive, always find a way to interpret certain things or words that will end up doing me more harm than good. I'll always be the girl who has on going battles in her head almost every single day. I'll always be insecure and paranoid. I'll always be the girl who questions and gets scared of the answers. I'll always be the girl that will make you repeat what you say because I either did not hear you the first time round or I simply do not understand. I'll always be the girl who fears change and does not do well under pressure. I'll always be the girl find it hard to leave the past behind. I'll always be the girl who would stare at you and wonder about all the possibilities. I'll always have conversations going on in my head. I'll always be the girl who thinks she deserves more but you deserves better. I'll always be the girl who would put everyone else's feelings before her own no matter how hard she tries to put hers first. I'll always be the girl with big dreams, always a hopeless romantic. I'll always be the girl who would flowers in her hair. I'll always be dramatic. I'll always be the girl who wants things her way and will stop at nothing to get it, or would probably get upset if I don't. I'll always be the girl who wears her inner child on the outside, as a facade to hide away the bitter one in her. I'll always be the girl who wears her heart on her sleeves. I'll always be the girl who wishfully hopes for a happy ending. I'll always be the girl who secretly wishes upon the stars and the moon. I'll always be the girls whose imaginary friend is also he alter ego and her best friend. I'll always be me.
xoxo ♥
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Better In Time
12:20 AM
Dear Mr Time,
Everyone has been saying that you will eventually heal all wounds and they say emotional wounds takes a much longer time. However, I've been waiting for months for you to work your magic but here I am still with my wound wide open. It still hurts the same, the way it first did. I know I should not just depend on you to make it better. I know I should do my part and do the things that will help me move on from this faster, do my part in any way possible to piece the pieces back together. It's not like I did not try, I did but I failed. No amount of band aid can seem to mend me because it's not only my heart that broke into a million pieces.When it happened, it broke along all the other things important things in my life. It broke the security I had, the trust and confidence level I once build up. Hence, Mr Time, you're my my only hope right now. I admit, I'm tired of waiting on you and I'm on the verge of giving up. So if you could tell me, if I will ever mend, please tell me. If you are absolutely and positively sure that you will mend me, tell me. Don't make me wait any longer because making me wait is like continuously adding salt to an injury. And trust me, my threshold level of pain is very low, I think even lower than before. So again Mr Time, I'm putting this in the nicest way possible, Don't Screw With Me.
xoxo ♥
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teenage dream
November 15, 2010 @ 11:28 PM
Lately things hasn't been sitting right with me. I feel like I could have been treated better or perhaps fairly. I'm not asking for a lot, I never did asked for anything out of reach. I'm not referring this to my relationship with H, I'm saying this in general. Life's unfair you might say but what about compromise? Why can't you go a little out of your way for me if I can do it for you. Perhaps if you would stop and see, I never expect anything much in return. If I can help someone out in a anyway that I can, I would. I just wanted someone to show me that they would do the same for me. Or if not, at least treat me like I deserve a little better. I just wanted someone to fill me in, in the little things.
Everybody wants fairness. I guess it's just life as it is. Sometimes you just have to give a little more even if it does not exactly benefits you.
xoxo ♥
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janTAN and betiNER...
10:00 PM
Grandmather: hey....anoooooo sape ni name bdk ni....tan oh tan...(jantan)
H: Ye nekk..
Grandmather: tolng nek long angkat periok ni...
H: letak mane?
Grandmather: letak je kt tepi tu...
H: ye la nek...
H: sejak biler name aku jadi tan...
Grandmather: nek long lupe la name korng..
came my cuzzie onie,she was wlking frm my room to the dapor..and then..
Grandmather: Ner oh Ner,tolng nek long pergi kedai beli kn cuker...
Onie: hhahahahhahahahahhahahaha,biler name aku Ner...
Grandmather: hahahaha...suke kau ehk.! nek long lupe la name meker...
Onie: hahahahahahaha,yela nek long nnti Onie pergi kedai beli.
hahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, Ellisya a.k.a the kerbau,is crying to get back her comp which i Muhammad Hattaillah stole it from her...hahahahahahahahahahahaha....bye!
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Hearts on my sleeves
November 7, 2010 @ 11:29 PM
For quite some time, I've been wearing my heart on my sleeve. I have no qualms opening up about what I feel, to who or what. I can come here at anytime of day or night and sing my heart out without any worry. I feel safe being open to whoever that comes here to read. I feel oddly comfortable seeking solace here and by the end of every post, I feel like a few stones have been lifted up from my shoulders, even if it is just pebbles.
But now, I find it hard not to feel too naked talking about things, even if it's things that I use to easily talk about. Now, I find myself talking in circles and all those thoughts in my head tends to stay in my head. I find myself feeling reluctant to open up here. Hence, the lack of updates. So here I am, trying to start from where I left off, trying to find it in me and start wearing parts of my broken parts on my sleeves again.
xoxo ♥
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