i never told you
January 30, 2010 @ 1:22 PM
Some things are better left as they are, hoping on it will just bring you nowhere. Some things are just the way it is. Some things can never be the same as it was, no matter how hard you want it to be, it will never be the same. Sad isn't it? That's just the way it works.
" But I never told you what I should have said. No, I never told you, I just held it in. And now I miss everything about you. I can't believe that I still want you. After all the things we've been through. I miss everything about you. "
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bitch fit
January 29, 2010 @ 6:32 PM
I am about to have a bitch fit and I am about to start a war. I have had it with you. Can you like stop it already. You managed to break my last nerve. You're lucky that I am not going up to go up to you and slap the shit out of your face, not yet at least. I can do that you know. Do you think it's cool is it? This thing you do. I'm sick and tired of you trying to be me. Why are you following what I do, what I say, what I wear, what I have, what my hair looks like, what the colour of my eyes are? Are you that deprived? For all I know, you might even stalk my undergarments down.
You had your chance and you blew it. You're just waiting for your ass to get shoved. I use to tell myself that whatever you do that is like a replica of me, its because I inspire you. I have no patience of that sort, not anymore.
Hello, wake up sunshine, the whole does not revolves around you. Nobody wants to roll down the red carpet for you, nobody has the time to sit down and hear your sadistic life story (god knows it might even be someone else story you stole), or even has the time to go up to you and ask you what's wrong. Couldn't you be more original? OMG, I am so mad right now, your face is the last thing I ever want to see.
& after all this, if you still have not get it, let me spell it out for you;
YOU CAN NEVER BE ME. SO STOP IT.
STOP BEING ME, STOP TRYING.
god knows you suck at it.
STOP BEING ME, STOP TRYING.
god knows you suck at it.
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untitled
12:40 AM
I'm tired of dealing with the same old things again. Isn't it obvious, given the fact that I hardly bothers about you anymore; because I don't see a need to. I've dealt with you once and I have to admit it was one of the hardest things I have to deal with. I can accept the fact that you have not well, might never apologize for your actions and that being nice is one of the ways for you to get your conscience back. But I cannot accept seeing the repetition of the past slowly crawling its way back up. I've spent years battling this in denial, years building up this courage and years re-building the trust you broke for us. So it's really clear that I do not want it to happen again.
For once I thought, I finally had the chance to get what I want, what I need. To finally gain back what I have lost because of you. If you must know, I lost a lot of things in this train wreck and that includes the most important one of all. You figure it out. Just a simple five letter word.
So right now, all I'm asking for is for you to know where you're boundaries are. Know what the past had for you and how it affected the ones involved, because I believe, out of all, I was the one who got hurt the most. I don't mind being nice you see but when the past has something to do with what it is now, we all should be on our toes. I do not want to go through the ordeal again, not with you or anybody else.
Once bitten, twice shy.
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January 27, 2010 @ 3:07 PM
The lego figurines in my head are having a ball of time.
I don't like it.
I don't like it.
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infectious disease
1:55 PM
Been home for two days battling this really irritating throat infection and fever. Stupid headache. January is coming to an end and I've been sick twice, one week apart. This is by far the worst. I know I should be resting but I have so many things to do, so many research to be done. Since I have to wait for my enquiries to be answered, I say why not I do some update.
So yesterday, I intended to attend school because Jen & Nad insisted that they wanted to show me something. However, my head was so heavy and my temperature hasn't really subside. I could barely get out of bed. Hence, I skipped school. The girls was kind enough to ask about my well-being but little did I know it was more than what it seems.
Jen suddenly called me and told me to open the door. Weird, she said she left something there for me. Weirder, she's in school. Lucky I wasn't thinking clearly, so I just dragged myself to the door because she insist that I have to be the one opening the door. Keep in mind, I look really horrible and I have yet to bathe then. I know, disgusting much.
Guess what the something is. My askar boy of course, standing there with a huge smile. My reaction, speechless. Good thing I did not faint. haha. He greeted me with a very warm hug, not caring that I look/smell horrible. Those girls; in cahoots with my askar boy. He dragged me to the doctor, got two days mc. Wow, bittersweet.
So anyway, He bought me this. He has been longing to get me a skate shoe so we can match. He got his and now I got mine. I like it a lot, with my favorite color some more. Blueeee. Thank you sweetie.
Overall, it was really a nice surprise. What can I say. My askar boy loves to surprise me in the most simplest way.
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i love you
January 24, 2010 @ 10:57 AM
It simply says 'I Love You'. What a great way to start the morning. Forget about the fact that I was online at 10 in the morning, but this is just so sweet right. Sweetie, I love you too. More I shall say.
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hunch
January 23, 2010 @ 4:02 PM
I hate this nagging feeling, this weird hunch about something I can't put my finger on. I miss you, you know that? It doesn't make it any better having to figure things out like this. I wish this isn't a one way thing as it is, I wish I could do my part. All these series of unfortunate events that have been happening for the past few days, isn't really doing any good. It wasn't intentional either. I don't want you to be mad at me. I don't want you to think that I'm not trying. No excuses here, I just want you right now. However, I'm asking for the impossible. Baby, I need reassurance, your reassurance.
Intuitions, at times I wish you weren't right all the time. I'm starting to dislike you.
So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You & me....everyday.
- The Notebook
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sorry
January 21, 2010 @ 11:38 PM
I'm sorry. I know you've put in the effort and I am really grateful for that. It's just a case of bad timing. You know that I would love to talk to you all day if I have the chance. I am so so so sorry. I feel awful and it does not makes it easier knowing that its only a one way thing. I don't usually believe in miracles so I'm crossing all my fingers. Baby, I really am sorry. Please be home soon, I miss you. Real bad.
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January 20, 2010 @ 9:13 PM
Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way, because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
-Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)
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empty
January 19, 2010 @ 11:15 PM
xoxo,E
I think I have made known that I miss Hatta and that it might irritate you, what heck, I don't care. I am in love. Sometimes being in love doesn't only mean a bed of roses. If you can't handle it, that's your problem.
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funny blog
January 18, 2010 @ 11:49 PM
(click for a better view)These two girls has nothing better to do. HAHA. They decided to comment on my profile picture and one thing to another. Hilariously cute. I seriously don't know what else to say. Thank you for the compliments girls, even if they are not compliments, I step thick skin okay? Haha.
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snow soldier
11:07 PM
Yesterday, our conversation got cut short. Technically it got cut off quite abruptly while we were in the midst of a very important discussion. The sad thing is I can't call you back. Left me there wondering if what you said was true or not.
Then I was overjoyed when you called me today. Believe it or not it made me tear when you sang me that song, telling me that you miss me. So sweeeeeeet. Tears of joy baby. Yea, call me wimp, but I don't care. I'm loving every conversation with you. But my heart sank when you told me they are extending you trip, a month more. WHATTHEFREAKINGHELL?! I was so excited that you just have a week left to go. Now this.
February is meant to be a good month. A lot of good things is happening in February. Then again, what can I do, what can you do. I guess I just have to be patient. Omg, I want to see you face again. :'(
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lost days
January 17, 2010 @ 8:42 PM
I used to ponder a lot why it is always so awkward. Unlike others, we can never be comfortable around each other. Why couldn't we be like anybody else, talk about anything under the sun, well not everything but most things. Each time I went through the photo album, I tend to ask myself, " How come I don't remember this? " Do you know how hard it is to recollect the memories we once had. Perhaps, those times when I tried so hard to erase the bitter memory of you, I erased the good old days as well.
At times I can't help but wonder what it would be like if I'm the only one, then it will just be the three of us? Then again, things turn out the way it is with reasons. It was hard dealing with the things that might break us on my own. While you went on denying things, I went on with my gut feelings. Do you how devastated I was when my intuitions were true? How hard was it for me to know things I shouldn't know and having barely anyone to turn to?
I've learn to put the past behind me. Move on and gave you a chance to mend our broken relationship. But time and time again, you blew you chances away. Hatta always said that we need to hands to clap. Your hand was up high for only so long. Why should I keep holding mine up when yours isn't consistent? I forgave you for your mistakes. It took me a lot courage to but I did. I respect you and I'll give you credit for the times you tried.
Now, I hardly tried anymore. I don't even get emotional talking about it anymore. Though I have to admit that it touches my heart whenever you tell me you love me, whenever you just hang your hand over my shoulders. Do you still remember the times when Mak Mok passed and we had that conversation, just you and I? That, Dad, might be the only pleasant, vivid memory I had of you and I.
Then again, we never really had what people call a normal relationship, between a father and daughter.
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procrasti-what?
January 16, 2010 @ 1:26 PM
So many deadlines to meet, so little time. I blame procrastination. -.-
Sweetie, I miss you.
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calmer now
January 14, 2010 @ 7:11 PM
I am much calmer now even though my nose is being such an irritant and my throat feels awful. Of all the time to get sick, today is not one of them and yet I am. I need my askar boy badly. I need you here baby. I needed you today and it sucks that you can't. I miss you, terribly. I miss your voice, your face, your laugh, you touch, your kiss and your hugs. Please come home soon. I need you, I need you shoulder. I want to be able to call you randomly just to say hi or just to tell you something totally random, send you text messages like you are my very own twitter. I want to feel that you are actually near me, not 3122.10km away. Right now, the only way that I can really feel like you are actually by me is when I'm dreaming of you. The hardest part is when I have to wake up and know that you are so so far away from me. Come home soon please.....
" I think we dream so we don't have to be apart for so long. If we're in each others dream, we can be together all the time. " - Lauren Conrad
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popular,not.
6:40 PM
Today sucks big time. I hate Thursday now, particularly today. It did not start well and it had to get worst by the minute. Seriously, everything went wrong and by the end of the day it all revolves around you, you b*tch. Yes, I am that angry at you, bloody angry. When will you stop and realize that you have gone too far? When will you realize that you are annoying everyone? I have had it with you and your lies and your unoriginality. Stop mimicking what I do, what I wear, what I have. &please I do not want to hear about your sadistic life story going on repeat. You have cross my line and right now you are on thin ice, honey. I don't want to but you are making me hate you. Everything about you is pissing me off. I am done with you. I will not bother about you or whatever it is that involves you. Your presence itself is enough to turn me off. Omg, I am so angry at you! Ergh.
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13th
January 13, 2010 @ 4:24 PM
Wednesday. Wednesday and I, we kinda have this love-hate relationship. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I don't. Most of the times I don't. Haha
School was really redundant today. I practically came to school for CA hour and breakfast and for a little nap in WFB. So instead of sleeping on school property and since classes are canceled, I head home to make use of my bed. Since I already plan to sleep in class anyway. My class is getting from bad to worst but I don't care, I don't like my class anyway. So many deadlines to meet yet so little time.
This part here is for Shafiqah Sahar who insisted I update my blog. Haha. You are most welcome and I am glad I can be in any sort of help. Things will turn out fine. If you need anymore help, I'm here. I know you are excited right? Haha
&fiqah, you miss hafiz. I miss my askar boy. Today I miss him more than I thought I would. Not that there is anything special or whatsoever, I just miss you. Come home soon please.....
okay, this is a messy post but I don't care.
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jump jump jump
January 11, 2010 @ 10:19 PM
I am bored and restless at the same time my heart is jumping for joy. ^^
Few random facts about me:
- I love my boyfriend.
- I love my two best friends.
- I like the color blue.
- I hate crowded places.
- I like books, reading is fun.
- I like to be out on the weekends.
- I cannot live without my phone.
- I am weird.
- I get angry easily.
- I have friends who love to make fun of my ass.
- I never exceeded 1.5 in height.
- I like my hair messy and curly.
- I have chubby cheeks that are always pinched by others for fun.
- I love Victoria Louise Lott aka Pixie Lott.
- I like headbands, hair-clips and bangles.
- I love clothes and shoes. They make me happy.
- I love bags too.
- I like my nails painted.
- I like the number three.
- I love to laugh.
- I hate copycats.
- I have tiny hands and feet.
- I wear shoes size 4.5 .
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stage
January 10, 2010 @ 4:26 PM
We are often told to expect the unexpected. Weirdly though, we always forget to do so. It usually happens when we finally let our guards down. Hence, the unexpectedness. I like to believe, it's because we got too comfortable. We forgot where the line lies. Usually when something unexpected happens, we decide to label it as our wake-up call. I have to agree with that to a certain extent. When bad things happen, it is usually a way to remind us that things are still real, that we still care. Enough for us to go to any lengths to save it. Some of us are lucky, lucky enough to save the situation but for some, unfortunately, it's too late. It's unfortunate that most of the time we had to learn it the hard way, but look at it this way, perhaps it might prevent us from repeating the same mistake. Maybe it is a good thing to go through a rough patch sometimes, makes us realize what we are missing, makes us realize why we chose to get into it in the first place.
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blue
January 9, 2010 @ 2:41 PM
Which one should I get? Left or Right?Or both?
Friday, surprised our Nurul Jannah with a carebear infested celebration. Carebears everywhere. Haha. Good thing I tire her out yesterday so she did not suspect a thing on the day itself. Her reaction was priceless. Such a cheerful little girl. Anyway, even though it was a simple one, it was really a warm celebration. Less is more, right girls? J, I hope you love the gift we got you and the cake and everything. We would never forget your birthday. Haha. Love you little girl. xoxo,WG.
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day one
January 6, 2010 @ 11:17 PM
I miss my askar boy. Okay, it may sound really pathetic but I'm missing him like crazy. Sadly, I could not sent him off so we talked on the phone till late until he boarded the plane. That is why I fell asleep even before the first class begun. Saying goodbye did not feel like it was goodbye. Maybe then it had not hit me yet that my baby will be 3122.10km away from me for three damn weeks. I think he touches down in Taiwan at 6 in the morning. All day, I battle the urge to send a text/call to you baby. But you really made my day when you called me this afternoon. I thought I would never get to hear your voice for three weeks straight. If you could only see how wide I was smiling then, how happy I was. It was really good to hear your voice again. I miss you and will be missing you. Take care of yourself sweetie. Love you many many!
Three weeks. Not three days, not three hours. Three Damn Weeks.
Now my throat is sore.
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back to the old routine
January 4, 2010 @ 7:15 PM
Back to school. Nothing new, same old everything. Just new students, from the January Intakes. The morning was very, satisfying, very happy I got to see the girls again after so long because everyone was busy with their own things during the hols. Kalau da graduate mcm mane eh? I for sure did not miss the train ride to school and that will never change. I do not miss the school routine. Weird thing though, I miss the grub in school. Today I mcm hungry ghost. Hehe. I miss laughing like crazy with the girls, somehow today felt really awesome, felt complete. Hence, I laugh my way through the day like I always do.
Tomorrow. Baby is flying off tomorrow. :(
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fifty-ninth
January 3, 2010 @ 3:08 PM
" I don't need to be everything to everyone but I would like to something to someone & that's you. Could you believe that despite everything I've put you through, I love you too? "I love who you are, what you do and how you try. I love how you cool you'd be in all situations, how you never let your emotions affect you day,most of the time. I love you, don't you see? Don't you understand?
Happy fifty-ninth baby. One more month and it's our very own celebration.
You'll be flying off in two days. I know you're excited, as much as it kills me, I'm excited for you too baby. Three weeks is along time, for me atleast. Please be safe there. Don't forget to keep yourself warm. Have plenty of rest, don't tire yourself too much. Don't party too hard. Don't be picky with food okay baby. I'm sorry I could not send you off, as much as I want to. I want to be the last person you hug and kiss. But given our situation, I'm you understand why we can't. Have a safe flight both to and fro. I'm always with you, just search your heart. Miss you much love.
xoxo
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history
January 1, 2010 @ 8:23 PM
Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.
-Grey's Anatomy
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last
7:52 PM
I went to catch the fireworks yesterday. The moment it starts till the moment it ends, I think I saw my 2009 flashed by me. Makes me a tinsy bit emotional then. I was mostly quiet the whole time through, while everyone was screaming out loud. Right then, I honestly felt that I was ready to let 2009 go. Let some things go, no point holding on when it is never going to happen. The hardest part was letting go the hopes I held on for so long. I don't see a point holding on when I could not get it within my grasp in the past year. What else a new year. Well that was yesterday, I'm over the new year excitement.
I'm also over all this resolution shit. Stop asking what my resolutions are because I'll just say I don't have any. Yes, I don't have any resolutions. That does not mean I'm insane. I never believe in resolutions in the first place. Why make any when I know it's just going to ignored. And I am certainly not excited about new years. The same old shit is still there just that the number changes. Everyone wants to start a new, breathe in the fresh air but I know no one can leave anything behind unresolved. Pardon my negative- nellie moments.
Enjoy your new year.
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